perfectionist

For a while I stopped playing TOT
it was also the time I wasn't *as* in love with Vyn anymore. At that period of time, I believed that I kinned Vyn because a lot of her story lines up with my own.

I have come to realize a big part of why a lot of my relationships may not work is due to the fact I idealize too much, I desire a partner that is "on my level". It took a few failed relationships to finally realize I'm not one for real romance, because the way I have procieved others is why I am unable to create a stable relationship

The biggest reason why I feel so attached to Vyn, she is on my level. We share equal experiences, equal thoughts, same words. I only thought I kinned her because I wanted to believe that I could have a regular real life relationship

I don't think it's realistic for me to be in a relationship, it almost seems like a "silly" idea. I want to think that I'm a better person now, but I get reminded constantly that people like me find it difficult to have a love life. Not that it matters, not that it's impossible, but the way my romantic relationship would play out would be more strange than other relationships. I think the way I talked about my past partners should've been a wake-up call that I'm a narcissist. It took so long to realize that I am one.

A lot of people say I don't seem like a narcissist, but there's people like me out there, people who do the things I do.

I want to think a guy like me can be loved by a girl, but realistically only if she was equally as ill as I am. The bombshell of "NPD" and "Narcissism" has made me think back on my past actions, and I feel unlovable

  luka

hrm. i wrote a long comment describing my experience with NPD but its wiped.

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