I’m also bullied and criticized for the people I let in and love because they’re all older than me if they’re guys I’m just better with talking to older guys friends or more than friends it’s easier like thag with me the one in Italy is almost 16

Yoh guys are the same age as these people

Haha I’m good without the father thing

I know thnx guys

It’s okay guys thanks for at least letting me talk about this no one really understands but at least I can talk anout it and the fact that theee is some people thag listen is better thnx

And they don’t realize thag j don’t care if it does rui. His whole career I know that’s terrible but he fucking hurt me he actually abused me in class with his friends but they all thought it was funny and I tried my best to keep my smile the whole time but it never fucking worked it only made the whole thing worse in my ind that I was allowing it

The whole amnesia thing helped put me into depression and then of course my family just had to help get me the rest of the way there and then I have cuts and scars from one of my exes who was 250 pounds and 6 feet tall in the sixth grade at 13 and he had a beard and sideburns already and he was a famous football player but then my friends even got mad at me for telling people he abused me because it could ruin his whole career but they don’t understand the stuff that he did to me that shit doesn’t just fade away in your mind okay that stays with yob along with the scars

and I have to move every three years because of my distant family and my mom and I’ve so far lived in them tee different states and I’m moving again this year and then I woke up on my fourth birthday with amnesia and I can’t fucking forget that feeling of waking up and a thousand questions filling my head all at once bout who I was and who the hell was next to me which was my abusive sister cause we had to share a bed at the time and she still abused me for no reason constantly and my mom slaps me for nothing and I get in trouble for simply not u derstandi g what she said and stuff like that and I didn’t go to pre k cause I have a late burthday which is in December And I’m also bullied because my middle name is winter for some reason and my last name is lamb because why the hell not it’s not like I shoild of existed Anyways I’m the Only child my mom doesn’t love cause I was the second accident she made

And then there’s the fact that I can’t sleep at night sometimes for a linty straight I just zone out after crying for a few hours because of my family and everything happening but my family doesn’t eve. Know I do this and they never will because they don’t care they don’t love me they remind me every day thag they hate me for something that happened before I was even born and that’s why I hate my birthday and I’m bullied constantly but my family would never care about that either cause of my speech impediment I can’t say my R’s and because I’m ugly as fuck my face is in my pfp to prove that by the way

And im scared that I’m going to hurt myself for the bad things I’ve done

Do you know what it feels like to be afraid of yourself?

I’m just tired of being mistreated

And my best friend in Italy is asleep cause he’s six hours ahead of us and my life just ficking dmsucks right now and I have major trust issues and every time I finally let someone into my life the. They stab me in the back betray me treat me like a piece of shit throw me around abuse me and then get mad about the way I block people out when im scared and they say stuff like you need to let more people in and stop blocking them out we just want to help when everyone that says that is the literal fucking g reason

The. He said oh well at least I still get all the love when he was the fucking reason that I lost mine

The. Afterwards he literally confessed it wasn’t a dare rhat he jusg didn’t want to hurt my feelings for some reason even though he knew I hadn’t cared and then I told him that j would t have even cared and he continued to admit to cheating and using me and playing me the whole tome then he tried to say it was to help me

All of my friends thought he was bad and toxic and didn’t deserve me so I broke up with him and then right after he came to my best friend who is lesbian on am and asked her to talk and stuff with him and to get together the. I came at him in text for it and he pretended it didn’t happen at all

But the thing was I wasn’t upset with him breaking up with me so he got mad and started saying that it was a dare which I knew it wasn’t and I tried to hint at it not being a dare and that I knew but he kept saying it was and getting mad
Then I broke up wjth him because all of my friends knew what was going on and plus I was still talking to my best friend in Italy thag we have feelings for each other that I also met on am

Then he started to act like he liked me but I didn’t pay any attention because I knew it would never happen and I told him repeatedly that it would never happen because I didn’t feel the same way at all
Then he asked me to get back together and I felt bad so I said sure maybe and he automatically took that as an absolutely and pressured me to
do stuff and send stuff
And the thing is I did these things but then he started to get more commanding bout it and weird bout it and it sort of scared of it the way he was saying
So I ignored it for a day and then he knew I was t doing the stuff anymore so he broke up with me

Then after that I started to freak out and my panic attacks began getting worse than normal
Then he tried to set me up with his friend Jac but before he even knew me he said bye ho and left which ho and whore and slut is the worst thing for me to be called because my own family says that stuff to me
Then he started trying to make me feel better and I still loved him as a brother at this point

Then we were friends and I loved him as a brother nothing else we went through this long thing of him trying to set me up with his friends to make me happier and stuff because when we dated he convinced me to get off the drugs that were messing me up that j had been taking to be happier and then his best friend Hayes became my first ever heartbreak because he was the first person to ever break olio with me out of my 14 relationships

Ok so like I orgiginally met my now ex on am and then we started talking then we started to talk in different apps and then we started dating it went well for a while
But I didn’t know that he was catfishing me the whole fucking time
He lied about literally everything and then I broke up witb him as soon as I found out