You are not alone, there are so many people in the world you want to help you. So many people are in your shoes, Pine, you need to get help if these feelings don’t stop
I was just recently in a very suicidal state feeling a lot of things you are feeling. Feeling lost and suffocated not able to reach the surface. But listen to me, your life is important and you matter to so many people so much. A single phone call can save a life, please talk to your parents about how your feeling or contact a mental health hotline. You are important