How many times did I try to commit suicide

T̶͎̹̤̹̬͇̓̏̓̊̆̆̅͊͌͂̓͂̕͜͝o̶̡̨͓̭̠̯͉͕̮̙̠̹̺̙̓̒͗͌̊͆̉͌͐̕̕̚͠ ̷̧̞̱̱̙̤̹͙̘̗̑́͜ṃ̸̞̱̠̅̂̃̔͑̇̇̃̀͌a̵̙͙͚̤̬͚̫͍͚͇̠̻͙͒́̀̾̓̈́̐͊́̾͐̅̍́͜n̸̨̡̛͚̱̱͈̙̙̙̯̠͈̈͛̂͂̾̕̚͝y̷̛̛̛̝̥̜̜̬̭͋̊̉̒͛̽̆͛̇͝ ̴̘͙̠͔͉̜͇̄͐̽͐͂͌̂̕̚͜͠t̷̳̞̟̙̠̘̪̓͋́̅̀̏̓̕͜͠͠ỡ̴͔̪̤͔̘͉̖͋̂͗̀̐̚͝ ̷̡̛͔̣̱̰̰̙̻͚̞̲̠͔͓͆͗̐̉̍̀͐́̑̋͠ͅć̷̢͓͖̠̟̳͓͓̱̭̖̝̅̍̄͝ͅơ̶̜̞̺̋̏̾͌̌̆͛͐̇̓͋͊ȕ̴̧̡͍͉͇͉͓̝͈̦͕̿̀̀̊̂̊̐̾̈͘͝n̸̢̙͍̖̦̈́͛̈́́̈́́̔͛̏̈́̎̎͘͝ͅt̸̨͖͍͔̟̟̩̝̎͊̃̒̄̉̊͆̓

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