‘ ‘Long Apologies ‘ ‘

I’m sorry to whoever I have been mad at,
I realized this when I was watching a video “5 signs of teenage depression” and it said you might snap at people you love and care about most
I then remember a memory at my school before lockdown:
I was sitting in the clover field (no pun intended, not the movie clover field)
The wind was nice, it was becoming spring
The kids were playing as usual, I could hear them screaming, yelling, having fun
And my friends came up to me as usual,
They said
“What’s wrong, Elly?”
“Nothing.”
“Do you wanna play?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Ok...”

Then another person came

“Are you sad?”
“No, I’m fine!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, *unsure if that was a serious question*”
“Ok”

Then my friend, Breahna since kindergarten Came..

“Are you okay, Elly?“
“Mhm!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes..”
“For sure, for sure?”
“YES! OKAY?!?”
“..”
“I-I’m sorry-“
“I didn’t mean I-it-“

Then she went away
If I ever snap on you like I did to her, I’m very sorry
Y’all stress me sometimes, not even kidding
I honestly think that was my fault, I remember another convo I had with my dear friend Paloma

We talked this in our classroom if we could play together and I agreed
It was recess, then my friends Alejandra, Breahna, and kenadi said
“do you wanna join our Vsco group?”
“No”
“C’mon! Pleaseeee?”
“No!”

They then chased me around the field, then my friend Paloma screamed at me saying
“You promised we could play today!!!!!!”
“I know! And we will!!”
“Well it’s clear not! Your playing with them!?”
“No, I’m not-“
“No! Don’t even.”

She didn’t wanna listen to me, I said why I was “running/playing with them

She grabbed my sweater and pulled me saying
“YOU PROMISED!!”
“I know it’s just-“
“You said we could play!!”
“Your not letting me spea-“
“You said we could!?!”

She pulled off my sweater my father gave to me, I love it very much, she knew that.

She than ran off with it as I chased her to give it back, pleading she would

“No! Stop..!”
“NO!”
“Please, I love that sweater...!”

I ran to our teacher, crying telling her what had happened.

I felt so vulnerable at that moment
Like they were taking advantage of me

Now you would say “why do you love that dumb sweater so much?!?”
Well..

My dad gave it me, he said he wore it when he was my age.
And I loved it so much
I got so clingy to it, because when I was 3 my parents divorced
And I was visiting him, like I do on the weekends.
I am clingy to it because one day he will die, and that would be my only thing left of him.

I’m literally crying rn, oh gosh..

It was so traumatizing too

I’m so immature-

4 years ago 44 views 1 frames