uh

Just a ramble it’s 5:00am nothing matters rn

I was trying to draw and ended up crying and reminding myself how useless and trapped I am

The only thing I’m able to do is draw. I’m not athletic I’m not smart I’m not good at anything else other than drawing

Drawing is the only thing I’m able to do

It’s this vicious cycle of euphoria being able to draw, art block, even worse long lasting art block where I cry every time I draw, more pain etc

I’m only able to draw, and even then I suck at it

There are so many people so much better than me

The only thing I’d be able to do is cosplay but that’s expensive and I’m too much of a pussy to ask my parents for things no matter the cost

I basically had a breakdown and slammed my head into my notebook, cried, took melatonin but I’m still not tired, cried, lied down on my stomach, heard a noise, paranoia makes me freak out and yell about how I don’t want to deal with this shit rn, I don’t want to deal with fear along with sadness and worthlessness, screaming, nobody notices so yay, crying a lot more, and now I’m here

I said some shit about how I just want to know who I am again, how everything is my fault etc etc

How I’m probably such a people pleaser because my brother made me feel like I wasn’t enough

A bunch of other edgy shit

K have a drawing cya