My mom threatened to take my phone because I asked her if there was a way to safely pass out

Like wtf my phone is my only source of serotonin rn
I’m always in a bad mood especially now that I’m getting closer to bleeding my guts out to be able to have a child that my future wife is going to have not me because fuck that
that may sound weird but I’m fucking tired
Lil Darkie is good I like his music 😳😳
Probably cuz I’m in my pissy emo phase lmao
I’ve been in a bad mood and people seem to make it worse but coming in my room unannounced and then being mad when I try to calmly explain I want them to fuck off

Yesterday I had to convo w my mom who came in my room just to use a dumbass Snapchat filter on my dog

“I didn’t expect it to work, it recognized his eyes” -mom
“Well... yeah he has those” -me
“I’m tired of your attitude I know you think it’s cute but I’m tired of it”
I just awkwardly sat there trying to zone out
“Don’t be mad you get what you give so don’t be upset when I call you out for it”

Like damn it’s not that deep but okay
How do I nicely tell someone I don’t give a shit
You can’t
But I don’t have the energy to be fake and act like I want to exist within 5 feet of them

I really hate my mom rn
I sound really edgy lmao

If you’re still here I’m sorry

Also I get she may be stressed cuz my dads been drinking again and she’s planning on divorcing him and kicking him out but then we couldn’t afford our house

I’m really the only one in this house that loves my dad but I get it

He’s an ass to my mom and has been for the entire time they’ve been together, and he’s really hard on my brother

I want to have empathy for them but it’s so difficult when one has the most fucking annoying personality and the other took all his anger out on me and is the reason I have no faith in myself

My brother is the reason I hate myself he’s the reason I second guess EVERYTHING he’s the reason I have so much self doubt he’s the reason I wanna die he’s the reason I don’t feel like enough

It’s all his fucking fault

He acts like his life it worse than it actually is. Yes he had it difficult because our dad is an ass to him but he’s selfish on his own too

When I was born he got jealous that he wasn’t the center of attention he got jealous that I was “gifted”

He feels like I’m better and doesn’t understand what he did

Though I guess I’m glad he put me down so much. Otherwise I would feel like I deserve the world. I would feel superior.

But nope instead I feel like I deserve nothing because now that I don’t have good grades to make me feel like I deserve to live I don’t deserve anything

I’ve thought abt committing suicide just to make his life worse

Like I know he’d feel guilty for my suicide because of the things he called me the things I believed

Lmao I’m selfish how fucking qUiRKy of me lamodnfjebfbe

Please kill me

I just want to leave

Like in general

This family is selfish

We each have a sin of the 7 and I’m an atheist but I think the seven deadly sins are cool

Mom is lust (don’t ask)
Brother is pride
Dad is sloth
And I’m envy because I get jealous and defensive too easily

I’m not okay rn but I’ll be fine soon

Lmao I tend to ramble when I start talking abt my feelings

I now have a mirror in my room and it feels nice to vent in front of it

Feels like I’m talking to a person when I’m not

I hate my reflection but they always listen

That’s a toxic relationship right there 😳

Like I bring them all my problems but I want them to fucking die

Lmaoooo

Oh and Kai Ren whatever uhhh I’m Gucci don’t worry this’ll pass

Also if Em hates me can I know cuz it seems like it uWu
I kinda hate her too tho so cool