Venting about my dad

When I was younger my dad was so much nicer and cooler, he called me sweet pea a lot or kiddo. And at night he would throw me in my bed, not hard but like in a fun way, and wrap me up in a "Ryan burrito " And at that time I felt so safe, like nothing could hurt me. I never wanted it to end not once did I think I was to old for that but I still want it now. My dad's just some shell of who he was. He pretends he's the same but he's just a drunk asshole most of the time. But the worst part is, that I can't hate him. I still see glimpses of who he was and the same smile and the same voice not the slurred one he had now. And I know that it would be so much easier if I could just hate him. If he was terrible my whole life I could just hate him and feel no mercy but I'm just so idk stuck in the past with him that I still see the man I wanted to be in him. It's really damn hard watching him deteriorate

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  coochie butt (moved acc, Ja...

yeah i get you, my dad used to be awesome too.
but i kinda not like him anymore now that i know hes transphobic and doesnt support me.
i kinda try to ignore him whenever i can to avoid communicating with him, and it usually works for me but im different.
hope things get better, if you ever need to talk. just know im here for you.

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