Sorry for thjs :)

I feel tired. I’ve completed a whole trimester like this. I think I’ll do it again, and again. I believe I’m letting myself burn constantly with little struggle. And it’s a repeating loop. Of failure. Humiliation. Low self esteem. Regret. I’m so absorbed in my thoughts, that I’m losing sight of the present. My thoughts aren’t important, because they all belong to the past. The past isn’t important--right? I believe it’s not anymore. And I’m slowly losing myself, I don’t know if it’s everyday, every hour, every minute, I’m just slowly losing who I am. And I don’t mind it at all. Why should I mind something in the first place, it’ll lose its place in my life either way. It would cease to exist. I find no significance about my life as well. I only see the people who love me, and who I could be when I’m older. Or who I could’ve been when I was younger. I find death no threat to life. It only ends the catastrophic messes I’ve put up. But I also know that death to one person, would hurt others. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t seem to care if I disappear, I only care for those who will get hurt because of it. In other words, I will not die intentionally, just to be done with it all. I may persevere for others instead. The agony that leads to this path won’t hurt me. Why would it? What would be its purpose anyway, it won’t matter. None of this will honestly

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