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Uriel: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Raymond: >:O language!!
Taylor: Yeah watch your fucking language
Axel: OKAY WHO TAUGHT TAYLOR THE FUCK WORD?
Robyn: 'The fuck word'.
Zane: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time..
Taylor: Oh my god they censored it
Robyn: Say fuck, Zane.
Taylor: Do it, Zane. Say fuck.

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Uriel: Thanks fam!
Raymond: oh no
Taylor: *cries* I love you too..
Axel: Sounds fake but okay
Robyn: *A flustered mess*
Zane: can i get a refund

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Uriel: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Raymond : ...I did. I broke it.
Uriel: No. No you didn't. Taylor ?
Taylor : Don't look at me. Look at Axel.
Axel: What?! I didn't break it.
Taylor : Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Axel: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Taylor : Suspicious.
Axel: No, it's not!
Robyn: If it matters, probably not, but Zane was the last one to use it.
Zane: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Robyn: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Zane: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Robyn!
Raymond : Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Uriel.
Uriel: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Robyn: Uriel... Taylor 's been awfully quiet.
Taylor : rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Uriel, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Uriel: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Uriel:
Uriel: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Uriel: I CAN'T DO IT!
Raymond , laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Uriel: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Taylor : WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Uriel:
Uriel: I appreciate it,
Uriel: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Axel: Uriel-
Uriel: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Robyn: Uriel we gotta-
Uriel: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Uriel: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Uriel, motioning to Zane: NOT FUCKING THIS

Uriel: Time for plan G.
Raymond : Don’t you mean plan B?
Uriel: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Taylor : What about plan D?
Uriel: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Axel: What about plan E?
Uriel: I’m hoping not to use it. Robyn dies in plan E.
Zane: I like plan E.

Uriel: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Raymond : What if it bites me and it dies!?
Taylor : Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Raymond , learn to listen.
Axel: What if it bites itself and I die?
Robyn: That’s voodoo.
Zane: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Raymond : That’s correlation, not causation.
Axel: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Robyn: That’s kinky.
Uriel: Oh my God.