No title (vent: trigger warning)
(Legit... do me a favor and donāt waste time reading this...)
(You donāt have to... )
(Itās just rambling... and either way Iām okay)
Maybe Iām just fine..
I donāt need to vent about anything... itāll just be okay
Venting doesnāt help anything anyway...
I could make vent art, but it just makes everything worse cuz my art is trash
Maybe Iām stressed...
But I mean... who isnāt?
Just a few too many things to carry...
School, sickness, my friends mental problems and my own mental problems...
Itād probably be fine... but thereās not much of a way to help with it.
Everything just makes it worse...
I disappoint myself any place I turn... I canāt do anything,..
I fail at everything or just give up,,,,
Maybe itās because I get yelled at and blamed...
my mom is so accusatory, defensive and angry...
I get attacked for anything...
if you wanted me to feel comfortable telling you when somethings wrong you shouldnāt have fucked up your chances of that
But if I said that... youād probably just say āwell do whatever you want then.. itās your problem not mineā
Sounds like what sheās say tbh.....
Maybe no one cares enough to think
Iād never tell my mom anything now... Iāve tried before with other things....
I attempted to talk about something important with my dad.. he didnāt take it seriously in any way and just said to āget over itā
I couldnāt talk to my siblings...
Irl.. I have one useless friend and one who just wouldnāt understand....
I donāt have anyone else Iām close to...
and online... thereās only depression... that doesnāt help
Nothing helps...
Maybe Iām just useless...
In fact I know I am...
Iām a perfectionist with zero determination... Iāve said that before but it was taken as a joke..
I seriously am a perfectionist with zero determination.. plus zero skills..
I fail at everything...
I just do....I fail everything!
Itās not even funny anymore...
Maybe Iām just an liar..
I know I am.... Iām pretty idiotic...
I pretend to be one way.. I lie... I hide..
Iām just pretending for everyone... idek anymore!
Iām never truthful with anyone
For some Iām fine
For some Iām absolutely miserable
For some Iām amazing
For some Iām better
But for everyone itās just a lie
Maybe Iām just mediocre..
this is my favorite...
Because itās honest....
Iām nothing special.. Iām not important... thereās nothing good about me... I canāt help anyone.....
Iām just mediocre me.
Or... truthfully Iām less than mediocre........
Maybe Iām just scared...
Yeah... Iām scared...
Iām scared of everything... Iām a wimp..
everything scares me...
I can barely handle even the smallest things....
I canāt wait...!
Iām fucking terrified of how Iāll be able to deal with bigger things!!
Maybe Iām a disappointment...
To me... yes...
To others.. idk and if Iām not not than I should be..
Iām a mistake... a waste of time and space...
Maybe Iām just empty...
But I have nothing to fill myself with...
what friends..? What family...? What...?
What love...? What happiness...?
What??
Maybe Iām alone....
I have my family ig... but what does that mean when it ends up with you crying like a toddler....?
I have two friends irl.. neither are any support
I have friends online... Sure ig..... maybE.... idk...
idk.... it doesnāt matter anyway... Iām pretty useless and completely alone anyway....
Maybe no one will read this....
it feels normal... being ignored...
And if I think Iām being ignored than I should punish myself for pride...
No ones ignoring me...
Iām just thinking too highly of myself so that I should get more attention..
Maybe Iām bored....
Sounds simple...
but Iām bored with everything... my life.. myself....
Iām such an idiot... Iāve made myself completely useless
I just end up wasting time...
Maybe Iām depressed...
But... no one has noticed...no one pays attention...
They just take āIām okayā or āIām fineā at face value and more on...
Maybe my parents or my friends would notice... but....
Then donāt...
Iām not okay..
But that doesnāt matter!!
Maybe I have anxiety...
Scared about everything.... worried..
panicked...
why do I have panic attacks about everything...?
everyoneās watching...
everyoneās judging...
theyāre all lying...
Maybe Iām not suicidal...
But does that mean Iām okay....?
I could just be holding everything inside and continue fighting when I know thereās no point...
Iāve just been raised a certain way....
I donāt want to keep going like this...
but Iām not going to kill myself....
So you donāt have to worry!!
Maybe Iām sick
Itās been over a year... thereās no answers...
I just get worse...
headaches all the time...
feeling completely feverish without having a temperature
Pain everywhere... weakness...
Breathing problems....
panic attacks
Exhaustion......
pills.
If this continues... will I die...?
Maybe I shouldnāt vent at all....
This isnāt helping anyone...
It'll just make them worry and ruin everything...
I already ruin everything but I should at least try not to...
(Repost)
(Cuz yaāll need something to read while I go off myself)
(šš
āØ)
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