No title (vent: trigger warning)

(Legit... do me a favor and don’t waste time reading this...)
(You don’t have to... )
(It’s just rambling... and either way I’m okay)

Maybe I’m just fine..
I don’t need to vent about anything... it’ll just be okay
Venting doesn’t help anything anyway...
I could make vent art, but it just makes everything worse cuz my art is trash

Maybe I’m stressed...
But I mean... who isn’t?
Just a few too many things to carry...
School, sickness, my friends mental problems and my own mental problems...
It’d probably be fine... but there’s not much of a way to help with it.
Everything just makes it worse...
I disappoint myself any place I turn... I can’t do anything,..
I fail at everything or just give up,,,,

Maybe it’s because I get yelled at and blamed...
my mom is so accusatory, defensive and angry...
I get attacked for anything...
if you wanted me to feel comfortable telling you when somethings wrong you shouldn’t have fucked up your chances of that
But if I said that... you’d probably just say “well do whatever you want then.. it’s your problem not mine”
Sounds like what she’s say tbh.....

Maybe no one cares enough to think
I’d never tell my mom anything now... I’ve tried before with other things....
I attempted to talk about something important with my dad.. he didn’t take it seriously in any way and just said to “get over it”
I couldn’t talk to my siblings...
Irl.. I have one useless friend and one who just wouldn’t understand....
I don’t have anyone else I’m close to...
and online... there’s only depression... that doesn’t help
Nothing helps...

Maybe I’m just useless...
In fact I know I am...
I’m a perfectionist with zero determination... I’ve said that before but it was taken as a joke..
I seriously am a perfectionist with zero determination.. plus zero skills..
I fail at everything...
I just do....I fail everything!
It’s not even funny anymore...

Maybe I’m just an liar..
I know I am.... I’m pretty idiotic...
I pretend to be one way.. I lie... I hide..
I’m just pretending for everyone... idek anymore!
I’m never truthful with anyone
For some I’m fine
For some I’m absolutely miserable
For some I’m amazing
For some I’m better
But for everyone it’s just a lie

Maybe I’m just mediocre..
this is my favorite...
Because it’s honest....
I’m nothing special.. I’m not important... there’s nothing good about me... I can’t help anyone.....
I’m just mediocre me.
Or... truthfully I’m less than mediocre........

Maybe I’m just scared...
Yeah... I’m scared...
I’m scared of everything... I’m a wimp..
everything scares me...
I can barely handle even the smallest things....
I can’t wait...!
I’m fucking terrified of how I’ll be able to deal with bigger things!!

Maybe I’m a disappointment...
To me... yes...
To others.. idk and if I’m not not than I should be..
I’m a mistake... a waste of time and space...

Maybe I’m just empty...
But I have nothing to fill myself with...
what friends..? What family...? What...?
What love...? What happiness...?
What??

Maybe I’m alone....
I have my family ig... but what does that mean when it ends up with you crying like a toddler....?
I have two friends irl.. neither are any support
I have friends online... Sure ig..... maybE.... idk...
idk.... it doesn’t matter anyway... I’m pretty useless and completely alone anyway....

Maybe no one will read this....
it feels normal... being ignored...
And if I think I’m being ignored than I should punish myself for pride...
No ones ignoring me...
I’m just thinking too highly of myself so that I should get more attention..

Maybe I’m bored....
Sounds simple...
but I’m bored with everything... my life.. myself....
I’m such an idiot... I’ve made myself completely useless
I just end up wasting time...

Maybe I’m depressed...
But... no one has noticed...no one pays attention...
They just take “I’m okay” or “I’m fine” at face value and more on...
Maybe my parents or my friends would notice... but....
Then don’t...
I’m not okay..
But that doesn’t matter!!

Maybe I have anxiety...
Scared about everything.... worried..
panicked...
why do I have panic attacks about everything...?
everyone’s watching...
everyone’s judging...
they’re all lying...

Maybe I’m not suicidal...
But does that mean I’m okay....?
I could just be holding everything inside and continue fighting when I know there’s no point...
I’ve just been raised a certain way....
I don’t want to keep going like this...
but I’m not going to kill myself....
So you don’t have to worry!!

Maybe I’m sick
It’s been over a year... there’s no answers...
I just get worse...
headaches all the time...
feeling completely feverish without having a temperature
Pain everywhere... weakness...
Breathing problems....
panic attacks
Exhaustion......
pills.
If this continues... will I die...?

Maybe I shouldn’t vent at all....
This isn’t helping anyone...
It'll just make them worry and ruin everything...
I already ruin everything but I should at least try not to...

(Repost)
(Cuz ya’ll need something to read while I go off myself)
(🙄💅✨)

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