I would say "hello human I have not seen one in 2 years are you endangered or somthing"

I’d reply. Greetings human, indeed hiding them under your bed wouldn’t be smart of you. We use basements for that.

I die

I would probably say hi, I know. It's so UNpredictable

I would try my best to avoid eye contact and get as far away from you
Not because I don't like you, because I hate interacting with other humans