im tired of this.
im fucking tired of it.
I'm fucking tired of being insulted and people making assumptions when I vent somewhere.
they dont understand.
"just listen to her and do what she says and maybe then u will be fine π"
oh really? So if i do what she says, that means I get to fucking shower with her? again? that means i can tell my dad to leave? That means i can leave everyone, act like everything is fine and spend all my time with her? That means i dont have to say anything when i get beat?
ok, thanks, I'll work on that.
I'll do whatever she says. I'll be the "perfect daughter" finally.
I'll be what she wants me to be and stop being my self.
I guess from now on I'm a straight girl who likes dresses and fucking people when I'm underaged.
I guess now I'll have kids at 15 like she wants me to, right?
.
Im sorry I've never been good enough.
Im sorry im never there.
Im sorry i dont answer ur texts and calls.
Im sorry im not what u want.
Im sorry i couldnt be better.
Im sorry i dont comfort u when u need or want it.
Im sorry that im a bad person.
Im sorry im so fucking awkward and scared.
Im sorry that i vent.
Maybe i should just shut the fuck up and stop talking at all like I used to yeah?
Maybe i should go back to putting on a nice act to entertain again.
Im glad my pain could make u laugh.
Im glad it could make u happy.
or maybe i should keep making jokes about my problems and hide it all.
At least i can make one person happy sometimes.
Im not funny. I never will be.
Im not good at anything, but i try.
I'm not a good person to be around.
And if when i insult u and it hurts u need to say something.
I dont want to be lied to and left behind with no warning again.
Thanks for more free trauma, bitch.
U know who u are. And u know what u did.
And yet u never said sorry
not even an attempt was made to apologize.
u know u really are the toxic piece of shit everyone said u are, and yet i was so blind to admit it.
I stood up for u when people talked about u and u never did that for me, u never did anything, but cause pain. I hope ur happy now. U have moved on. U have forgotten about me. But i haven't. I want to forget u, why are u still here? Why wont u leave? Why do i keep remembering the good times and then realizing how fucked up some of that was? How fucked up u are? U just dropped me and left like an abandoned animal. And u picked up a new one.
He's happy with u isnt he? Tell me, are u doing the same things to him as u did to me, or have u finally fucking changed.
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