Good morning! I am back and okay ^^ I am gonna talk about what happend last night so SA/SH tw

My friends who are dating had me over since I knew I wasn't gonna be able to survive the night alone (meaning I would've cvt, I even had a panic attack because I couldn't) and it was going well. I was listening to music for a while and then turned it off cuz I was bored of it, after doodling in my sketchbook.then like 5-10 mins I heard my friends whispering and one of them was breathing heavily, moaning and saying this like "ohmygod" quietly. When I realized what they were doing I started texting my friend henrey and chandler, henrey being the one related to one of my friends and chandler going through similar trauma with a family member. (Henrey wouldn't tell my friend what happend, he is someone I trust a lot.) I started shaking and crying, I couldn't even blow my nose or sniffle because I wanted to be quiet and I didn't want them to know I was crying. My left leg started going numb because there was no circulation since again, I couldn't move. Which then reminded me of what happend with my stepdad, I couldn't move, sniffle, wipe my nose, etc. I was frozen. I was typing the vent I posted last night where my spelling was all fucked up in that moment. Then I decided to text my dad to ask if I could come home (normally I would just decide to walk home without telling anyone but it was midnight and my dad's sleepy pills were active)

I went to get up to pack my things but my leg was so cut off that I almost broke my ankle since I couldn't feel it at all. I ended walked to the end of the street to meet up with my dad and that's when he let me vent to him, he calmed me down. And then when I got home I talked with my friends, letting them know that it was actually traumatizing. My friend kept calling themself stupid and disgusting, like okay? I don't want to feel bad about a trauma response.

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