Waaaaaaaa vent💪

Sorry it's late

No no no no fucking assholes i hate everyone sofucking much i want to scratch my fucking skin off i want to scratch their fucking skin off
WHY cant i be cute and pretty this is so unfair
WHHY CANT I HAVE FUCKING FRIENDS
WHY DO OTHER PEOPLE GET TO HAVE FRIENDS THIS IS FUCKING UNFAIR
I keep trying to bury myself in hyperfixations. I have barely anything to go to. Writing, Drawing, Reading. And its all i ever have.
Desperate to write and vent in the notes app just because . But I want so bad for someone to listen and help me and hug me and just tell me that people love me but I know I don't deserve any kind of love and Ive always known that even when I was young. I hate drawing. I hate it so much.
Always reading-- almost stalkerish-- what other people are saying and pretending im offline.

I fucking hate people who have friends they're all assholes and i hate them and they hate me and i dont fucking care
Im so angry all the time no wonder i dont have anyone who wants to talk to me
Im still holding a grudge from march of 2021 even though it doesn't matter and it wasn't even that bad but im still mad and i shouldn't be mad
Who cares if i didn't get to defend myself
I was and still am a bad person and they had the right to be an asshole i really shouldnt be this worked up

I dont know why i stalk their posts looking for anything to be angry at them for I haven't even spoken to them since march and even before that we never talked i dont know why im like this
I dont get why they get to have friends and i dont. Is it because im gross? Is that it? Does everyone know?

God i lament my childhood so much on a daily basis and it wasnt even that bad i apparently just have a fucking victim complex

God fuck this I'm always teetering on the edge waiting for the next yelling match that my mom breaks out into. Nothing's happened for weeks but I'm still cautious. She's been acting caring and even took care of me when I was sick and vomiting my lungs out and even let me stay in bed and not go to school. She's even been taking me out to places, giving me gifts of food n stuff. I don't know what she's got planned but I'll stay cautious. Bitch even fake cried when I announced I had planned to drink drainage cleaner and vomit till I died on christmas just to fuck with her. Was it fake crying? Was she for real? Fuck I don't know anymore I feel like I'm constantly on my damn toes. She was going to be the one to find my dead body. It would've been funny if I didn't loathe throwing up.

I should've drank the drainadge cleaner
Theres no going back now

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