Stella..😍 (vent TW?? Maybe idk)

I have a doc taht I made after a kinda traumatizing thing happened about everything that has happened in 2022 (so far) and I wanted to write a bit on it and the more I think abt it the more I feel...like gross. Bc I'm Like, what if that never happened? I wish it hadn't, then we'd still be friends and things would be normal. So basically the thingy that happened was with Stella and stuff, and I remember on the day I found out we got new seats in social studies and Stella was infront of me and I was like "cool! I get to talk to them more!" And then by the end of the day I wish I had never met them. It's all stressful and ik I want the victim at all in this situation, but like I still feel affected a lot by it. A lot of things still remind me of Stella and every time I think abt those things I wanna curl into a ball and die. Bc I don't want to think about them anymore, but I can't. And a part of me still wants to try to talk to Stella, bc what if they aren't all that bad? What if they could be normal again? And in science if Stella was still here I would have sat next to them, but since they aren't I sit alone. And it makes me feel like shit every time I think abt that. And after I found out and got questioned I still went to school the next day, and ever since that day I've just kinda been out of it. I am so tired of being stressed, and shit happening all the time. Stella made me feel happy, they were like the only friend I had who wouldn't tell me I sucked, they would tell me I'm great and cool. It's one of the only things that when I think about it I just want to cry, I'm legit crying while writing this. And I don't cry that much! I just sometimes want them back, I want Stella back to before all this shit happened. I wanted Stella to be my valentine, I wanted Stella to come to my birthday party, I was excited for it. But now I can't. I hate it so much. All I want is things to go back to before this. To be calm.

2 years ago 38 views 3 frames

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