why do mothers have to make everything. even more stressful than it already is?(bit of a rant I'm sorry)

why do they make everything even worse? why do they think what they're doing is helping??

I was talking to my mom abt some field trip 2 of my 3 friends are going on tmrw. I was just telling her abt the place they were going since she was familiar w/it. nothing serious, just something to talk abt. well, she asked me why I wasn't going, so I told her that they're in talent search, which is why they're going on the field trip, and I'm not. She asked me why, and I told her for two reasons:1- I didn't know abt it until it was to late, and 2- I probably wouldn't have signed up anyway bc its just more stress to take on top of school work. I started telling her why it was just more stressful, and how the teachers won't leave us alone abt getting our shit done and how unnecessarily pressuring they are on us. you know just kinda complain bc I don't get to do that often. she decided to make it into this big fucking lecture abt how bad it is that I don't do extra stuff. she told me pathetic(not her exact word choice) it is that I decide to hide from. everything instead of doing extra activities, and how school has made me a poon(her exact words) compared to her. She said I need to do something with my life before it's to late and I don't make it anywhere as an adult. mind you, I do do extra shit, just not much. most of the time I don't know abt anything until it's too late bc no one tells me, and they rarely announce shit like that o er the intercoms. she started getting mad at me, and guiltily me by saying how she's been looking into this program and that program for me to get into for my future career, and how she thinks it's shitty that I've been turning down the few programs that come to my school for this shit. she made it out like I'm not trying hard enough, she basically told me I should be more like my friends. she's pushing her problems on me, bc she didn't get to do this shit when she was younger she thinks I should do it to make up for her loss. she acts like I'm not trying to figure shit out, but I am. I really am. it's not my fault I'm not good enough to do the things that will get me up in life, I can't help that I'm too shitty to figure myself out early on. I do t know what I'm gonna do with myself as an adult, I have no career lined up, I have no skills for the future. for all I know, ten years from now, I'll be a homeless piece of nothing who can't take care of herself, has no job, no money, no life, and I'll die alone because I canylt do this. I fucking can't. she doesn't understand that I can't. she doesn't understand anything.

God I sound like an angsty teen
I kind of am ig
idk

I do t want anyone's input on this, say what you want just don't try to give me advice I don't want that right now

I'm sorry for bothering you all this isn't important if you don't want to read it

  FAGGOT KILL YOURSELF

My parents want me to go to a Christian camp school.. Where's there are activities (that I don't like)

There very strict when it comes to "religion stuff" and it pisses me of. Like what if I don't wanna be in the Christian world that my parents live in?! It annoys me
My dad literally is forcing me to read a "a book for Christian woman" knowing that I'm in the closet, and is considered trans male who is pansexual indeed.
But If I don't read the stupid book I'll get grounded or something

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