Me Rn (Do or Don't read, I don't care)

Mostly what I look like, i just dont have bangs irl. I think my drawings without bangs look weird lol
Now
✨️Why I'm Like This Rn✨️ (Long?)
My friend and I got into an argument because I told her to stop calling me a name that I felt uncomfortable with. Now, she's the kind of person to joke a lot so knowing full well I told her NOT to call me a name, she calls me it again in a slightly different way because she just sees it as a funny joke. However I don't, joke or not I'm not going to let her keep calling me a name that I'm uncomfortable with >:[ That's what started the argument, yes it sounds dumb but like I said, I'm not going to let her call me a name I'm not comfortable with. So the fight lasted all day long 'cause she would respond hella late, like half hour to an hour late💀 Eventually she said that I wasn't one to talk because I've done this before, however, I have no memory of repeatedly calling someone a name they don't like. She kept saying that I called "a girl", her, and our other friend something, but wouldn't specify who or what......that's when it clicked... she had brought up what I refer to as "the incident" (I'll explain that at the bottom) which was something I'm super sensitive talking or simply hearing about. Aaaaand thats what made me snap, I said "F--- you" to her. I was so mad she brought up something I'm highly sensitive, that I said that to her. When I calmed down I apologized to her because I know and feel she didn't deserve that, but my other friend and I agreed that in all fairness she shouldn't have brought it up. It's been 2 days sinse the fight and apology and she hasn't said anything, my apology is left on read. Normally I'm fine with that cuz she tends to respond hella late, but we just had a fight and it's an apology left on read..... Well I'm hell of worried because I'm an overthinker, yay😃 So my f-ing brain can only think of bad outcomes😃 I've been feeling guilty, nervous, I've cried a few times, I can't even look at half my gallery without seeing her in it (I have a lot of random friend pictures), I've had a sickening feeling in my stomach,✨️overthinking like always✨️, I have to fall asleep to any YouTube videos so I can stop thinking and sleep. It's just....AAAAAAAAAG, IDK WHAT IT IS😭 Thats pretty much the story tho....

🟣What is "The Incident" ?
Long story short:
Something happened on accident and I couldn't even turn the dam corner without being called a name. It lasted for months until my friend told her mom and her mom told mine. Eventually after talking with the principal things died down, I'm still called names every great now and then but it's not as bad. But when I say I couldn't turn the corner without being called a name, I'm being literal. I couldn't say, do, or even walk without someone saying something. And this is how it affected me⬇️
1: I still cry myself to sleep sometimes even though it's pretty much over
2: I'm pretty sure I grew anxiety. I never wanted to leave in fear I would run into someone, I didn't want to go into the locker rooms in fear of being judged
3: I was scared to talk to anyone and everyone that I didn't already talk to before the incident
4: Theres multiple words that will trigger something in me, that makes me nervous someones talking about me
5: I can't go anywhere in school without feeling like I'm being watched
6: I stopped talking as much, unless I was talking to friends. If I don't talk, there's nothing for them to judge...mostly
7: I used a hoodie as a way to hide, I used it so much that even when things died down I still didn't want to take it off. I would only take it off if it's super hot, hot to where I actually just cant handle it.
8: If a specific group of people were being nice to me then I had a feeling that they're just planning something because they pretty much are never nice. (I know there names, just wont name all/call out)

✨️Thats why I'm sensitive about the topic✨️

2 years ago 48 views 5 frames

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