Episode one chapter one, “the “human”!”

Officer: come to 234th rhode street, we found something, *cough*.
Hello officer, how’s your day? I’m going to kill you though, I’m in a good mood put I’m not smiling.
Officer: HURRY BACKUP!
oh officer, *tears his outfit up* don’t run away or call for help, I’ll record ur final goodbye to EVERYONE you love.
Officer: HELP! PLEASE HURRY!
oh no you don’t, *tears out his face* that’s better.