My friends keep asking why I told them if I know they probably didn't like me

I just felt outta place my friends have had relationships so I felt weird like I wasn't a person.
Also I had hope that they loved me
Well now I don't have to think for hours when they hold my hand "Do they love me?"
Why do they do that?
I wish I never told them.
I wish I never did that.
I hate myself.
Why did I do that?

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