Angler Fish

I’m disgusting I’m disgusting I’m disgusting
I live in the depths of the sea where the ocean meets the core of the earth
I’m terrible. Everyone knows that angler fish are dirty from the outside, and even worse within. From my murky eyes, my scaleless body, and my grubby form, they are nothing compared to the weight my ribcage holds. Internally, I am ruined. My heart is ruined, and I ruined myself.
“As long as you have that light, that means theres hope.”
What? What are they even talking about? I’m so sick of myself, that I don’t think my own light will purify me.
“Look,” they whispered.
They tilted my head upwards, and there was a light- like mine. Another light rose to life right next to it.
I watched in awe as my dark home illuminated with beauty. I forgot how vast this place was, as the lights blossomed all around me, as the lights bloomed from vast distances.
“I promised you that I’d show you what the night sky looks like from the surface. Do you know what those lights are called?”
“What?” my voice faltered into a faint whisper, I’ve never seen anything like this before in my life.
“They’re stars.” I could hear the soft smile in their voice. “And you have one too.”
Looking furthermore closely, I noticed that behind these stars, there were angler fish just like me. So many hidden stars.
But I’m different. My insides sprout with guilt, sheer disgust, and regret. All of them could be feeling the same things as me, but I will never live peacefully as my mistake follows me eternally.
“You’ve done terrible things, and people may not forgive you, and you may never forgive yourself. But as long as your light keeps glowing, there is hope to change for the better, and this light proves your potential. I know you are a good person.”
This can’t be happening. I deserve judgement, I deserve agony, I deserve punishment.
“It’s okay . .
. .
. .
you are disgusting, but I love you.”

—
8 . 8 . 2023

help me school is in 1 day, i havent fixed my sleeping schedule, and im ending summer break terribly
its 2:17 am rn, i might delete this later bc vent

  lukarrrr

hope you feel okay soon, good luck with school

1 years ago   Reply

  • vander •

.RYY

Aww thank you so much man 😭🤧🤍🫶🏽

1 years ago   Reply

  • vander •

(read rentry)

Hi coco beanz!! I visited the Philippines for 2 months, that's why my uploads are strangely inconsistent. Not to mention, I just got back home and jetlag is crazy man. I can't fix my sleeping schedule and school is tmr. So my uploads are all over both US timezone and Philippines 🤧😭
I literally slept at 3 am, I woke up at almost 5 am and I can't sleep help me
(MY main Instagram account is named Ixu Lupin! I checked my account and you're following my main :))

1 years ago   Reply

  (read rentry)

OH THIS IS GORGEOUS I loooove the use of lighting in this omg the atmosphere is so good hrhghhh,,
goodluck with classes btw! I just started mine the other day🥲 is ur school abroad? just wondering lang since it says from ur bio that ure filipino pero based off of the desc and time of uploading ur timezone seems very different from the PH one😅
(+also fully unrelated but i followed u on ur I think main (?) ig acc!!! since i think i only followed ur unfortunatelotus one before :DD)

1 years ago   Reply (1)

  .RYY

Bro, You drawings and your whole artworks are amazing, I really love the perspective, the color palette you're adding on your drawings, the way you draw it 🙇🏼🌷

You got a big talent
-
The story you've made on the description, has a deep message and It is really interesting for me reading those things, calls my attention, I really need to read more of those actually, you're doing it good, hope you're good, I wish you luck
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Hope everything goes well on your school, and try to sleep more early these days, good night ❤️👐🏼

1 years ago   Reply (1)

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