Happy New Year

12 . 31 . 2023
9:15 pm
——

Ik New Year is in a few hrs from now
Its weird looking back on my posts, how they changed from pretty outgoing content to wtf this is. If this is too much to read, scroll all the way down and read the last two paragraphs because I’m just rambling and rambling. Sorry that it’s so long, when I start typing down my thoughts, it keeps flowing out so
New Year huh

Youre so capable of healing, and you deserve to not punish yourself. You’re so stuck in your head, so stuck in the past, so fucking stuck and lost. It stressed me out so much that this winter break did not feel like 2 weeks. It felt like nothing, seriously. And i can’t believe school is around the corner and im so sick and tired

I swear, 2024, I’m going to be better to myself, and for myself. I’m not going to let anyone get into my head anymore. I’m not going to let anyone step on me anymore. I have boundaries, I am a person. I am a fucking person. And the world doesn’t care enough to give a shit about my stupid predicaments. It’s fucking highschool, everyone is insecure and no one will be focusing on some idiot freshman. I’m okay. Oh my god I’m fine. And I’m so paranoid, and anxious, and stressed, I’ve been letting it kill me. My social anxiety is genuinely so bad. I just need to live my life, not the way other people see how I should. I am a person, I make mistakes. I’m allowed to be flawed. And I am a person, and I deserve to be happy. And I deserve peace in my head. My head is my head, and not some stranger’s own critical thoughts.

Get rid of old habits that don’t serve you. Clear your environment for headspace like your room. Rearrange it even, for a refreshing new look. I wasted so much time. So much effort, so much of me and my sanity. The negative impact they have on me is not who I am as a person. I am not the person I was in the past. I’m here, and right here and now, I am no longer dealing with their shit anymore. And I deserve to be fucking pissed off, and upset. But I don’t deserve to punish myself.

I deserve to live my life. And it’s going to be a long ass healing process. It’s going to be a long time, but I’m stating this here and now, that my life is not defined by the past and the negative impacts from people who should not be valued at all in my life. And I deserve to not punish myself for it. My friends love me, my family loves me, so why should I not love me?

2024 is going to be one hell of a ride. It’s going to be terrifying. I’m going to be terrified. But I know how 2023 ended. With this statement.

Change your depressing playlist, change your habits, your thought process. Be easier on yourself. Take criticism as an opportunity, because most of the time, receiving criticism isn’t even meant to insult you at all. And if they did intentionally insult you, you know your boundaries, so don’t let them fucking step on you. You’re a person. Why are you not allowed to be?

You’re going to be okay. 2023 was just another shitty rollercoaster, 2024 is something new to experience. And you’ll know when to brace for impact on the ride because of the hell 2023 put you in. And it’s not a bad thing. Life is beautiful. I truly believe that the meaning of life is to experience it. There is NOTHING else to life, than to live it. And there’s no such thing as living life to the lowest or the fullest. Life is meant to be experienced. That’s all there is to it. You don’t need to go fucking skydiving. You don’t need to set foot on the moon. Because it still means just as much to me when I’m alone in my room, reading some book or watching a show in peace. I don’t need to stress whether or not I’m doing enough.

This is enough; you here. In the living room, or your bedroom, your friend’s house, on the eifel tower wherever the fuck you are. And you’re going to look back, and you have memories to look back on. The bad ones sure, but you always have the good ones too. And just like last year, New Years is just a few hours from right now.

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