"Isn't that cruel, do you not care?"

honestly, i don't usually care
i want to believe that I do, but in a world without restrictions I would honestly not care

i'm a self-centered individual, I do not care for the feelings of most people unless I deem them "on my level"

when i tell people my true ideals, they act shocked, and it's like there's some sort of magic to make me magically care

it's difficult for me to empathize with other people. I feel normal emotions (at least I think I do) but empathy is the hardest one to feel. I don't know what to do when my friends are distressed, I don't know what to say to my friends when they're crying. I know I should care but it's difficult to see why I should.

I've been getting better with my narcissism, a lot of my friends say I've improved (but I'm still heavily narcissistic.)

I don't know, maybe I'm upset with the demonization of people like me, obviously not EVERYONE dealing with my issues are gonna turn out sunshine and rainbows but I'm not a danger to society anymore.

Watching the Unabomber Documentary made me think and reflect on my own thoughts, ideas. I heard my class put his thoughts down, but it felt like my experience. That's how I think of myself. I'm just better than everyone else, I'm someone to be looked up at, I have the desire for everyone to know how better I am than everyone else.

They encourage my behavior, I have never cared about grades. It changes nothing, I have always excelled in academics if I cared enough. They want me to pass and yet they encourage this behavior of self-loathing and self-idolization at the same time. I'm torn apart on the ideas of proving myself better than everyone else and the idea that I'm just a mere pawn.

I get my papers back, they tell me I'm truly what colleges look for. They all tell me I could've easily scored high if I wanted to. They tell me they know my potential, that I am an untapped well that could easily profit. And yet I make no use of it, I don't have a reason to.

I just don't get why people want these things from me. There's no true benefit to me, it doesn't bring me to what I desire. Barely any of this would get me to my goal, because I don't have one in the first place. I shouldn't be made to care when it doesn't benefit me

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