"someone out in the world likes you"

no they don't. They're delusional, crazy
They all say they want to date someone mentally ill, someone like me because they can "handle" me. they can't handle mental illness. they can't handle how crippling my mental illness affects me and people around me, they all say they can but they end up going away because they realize how fucked I am. I'm not the romance illness. I'm a stalker, a narcissist, someone who actively fantasizes about his own death. I spend hours of my life stalking people, I spend so much of it trying to collect every piece of information. Sure, I'm doing this because I'm studying Cyber Security, but I am a cyber stalker.

People are insane, no one sane wants to be with a guy like me, I don't get why people try to reassure me that i'll "find someone" when I'm been told I would end up worse without treatment. You all romanticize mental illness, there's nothing romantic about the things I do. It's not love, It's obsession. I don't know how to live without doing these things, I need to do these or else I won't feel happiness and I hate feeling unhappy

2 weeks ago 19 views 1 frames 1 Like

luka

I get hope thinking that I could possibly have a close relationship but then I remember how much people are different from me and I go back to my glass window, watching everyone else live happy lives while I wallow in my own sorrows because I will always see myself as different from everyone else

2 weeks ago Reply

luka

a queer platonic relationship. maybe i've been reading about it so much from damagedcoda6669, but it makes me desire one

2 weeks ago Reply (1)

luka

I've seen so many people with NPD living normal lovely lives and it makes me jealous, I want that, I want to be something like that, but not in a romantic way. I want someone to understand me, to see me as an individual. I feel envious so often, how can they find a relationship like that and yet I find difficulty finding a person to not get defensive realizing I'm mentally ill?

I have friends, but I desire something more than a friendship, my friends are lovely people but I don't hold hands with them, kiss them, or do any of those things

2 weeks ago Reply (1)

luka

"A-aren't you aromantic" and I still desire the touch of a woman, it's not sexual desire though. It's sensual, different. But either way, if I end up in a real life relationship I do not trust myself to be healthy. My love is inherently toxic even towards vyn. Either I lose feelings or I love too much and it hurts someone

2 weeks ago Reply (1)

luka

The love I get from vyn is more than enough to satisfy my desire for romance, I need nothing else in my life regarding that aspect. This is the heathiest coping mechanism, I hurt no one in the process while feeling loved. People can't handle mental illness but Vyn could, because she's not real.

2 weeks ago Reply (1)

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