Above

If I told people how I really saw myself compared to the world, I'm afraid people will call me insane. I mean. I am, it's already proven whether I like it or not. Data doesn't lie, no matter how much I want to believe it's in my favor.

I'm stuck watching everyone else around me experience things that I wish I would've, I want to experience the same type of joy and fear and anger and love that they all do. I can't help but feel like everyone else excludes me from this feeling, when I want to tell people how I feel I am immediately belittled and shut down.
It feels like I'm not allowed to feel these things, am I not allowed to feel upset? Am I that far off from the world that my emotions, my personality, my beliefs becomes nothing?

I'm a savior to all, martyr to none. I need to be looked at, taken for granted, admired. The baseline of my world is that I am one of the few sane people left here, and that I've gone mad from every other degenerate in the world. But that's not the truth, and I'm losing myself little by little

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1 years ago 11 views 1 frames 1 Like

luka

I'm conflicted with myself. I hate myself for wholeheartedly believing in these ideals, and yet these words spill out of me when someone is inferior to me
i can't help myself and it's shocking to look back on how I treated others
these are my words, my thoughts, I can't deny and tell myself that "i would never think that" when it's well documented how I place myself far away from everyone in this world.
The Unabomber documentary, it made me realize how extreme my narcissism is. Those words were like mine, they described how I feel perfectly. I'm someone witnessing everyone elses life through a glass window.
It irked me when my class was demonizing narcissism. I guess it's reasonable, but narcissists can live healthy lives. I can live a healthy life

1 years ago Reply

luka

I live in a constant negative feedback loop. I need everyone else in the world to acknowledge me, to percieve me entirely and to tear every atom of me apart. Inspect me and witness my thoughts. And yet, the more people look, the more I feel afraid and that I am undeserving of someone's eyes.

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