i'm not usually pessimistic, i've been told i'm very optimistic. I need to see myself in a negative light or else I continue to put myself back from improvement

my friends I don't know how you deal with me and tell me i'm your best friend even after knowing how much NPD affects me. how do you do it. how do you still see me as your friend even when you know I don't know how to be a good friend

"you seem like a nice person, I never sensed that you had NPD" i'm a liar and a fraud and i wanted you guys to see the best in me because otherwise i'm nothing

My 2022 mentality was genuinely the worst. I experienced one of the worst narcissist collapses in my life and I wrote a plan on how to end my life on my birthday, and then after that I was open about how i could "care less about my friend's feelings" and more, it only lessened at the beginning of Junior year

It's scary to think in 2022 even if I knew I have NPD, i wouldn't care. 2022 me was the worst
Only since 2023 I have tried to make improvement in my friendships even when I didn't know I have NPD (I had an idea that I might've been a narcissist, and labeled myself as one)