Vent post
Every time my last self harm thing is brought up my dad talks about how badly he wanted to beat me when it happened but he didn't because it probably would've "pushed me over the edge". I've said it over and over again that I'd never actually go through with killing myself, so what do I do if he doesn't think that "boundary" is there? We were talking today about my youngest sister because she's been acting up and he's been trying to steer her away from it and he was taking about how he "had to use physical pain on me" because I've always hated pain (ironically). Like, yeah, I do. Back when I first got caught he talked about how I could come to him if I needed to talk about it but ngl the physical and occasional emotional abuse kinda made me not want to go to him for this stuff. I can't go to my mom either because she might just get pissed and yell at me or cry. I relapsed back when school started because I was stressed out and cutting gave me something else to focus on but now I don't know what to do because their gonna find out eventually. I thought about bringing it up to my therapist but what if I get sent away? I have like, bad separation anxiety and what am I supposed to do about school? Even if I don't what the fuck do I do if my dad just chooses to beat the shit out of me for it? He's a great dad don't get me wrong and he's had it worse than I do but even though he does occasionally hit me I don't really want to be taken away from him so it's not like I can tell anyone about the hitting.
Sorry about the random vent, I can't really talk to anyone about it so I needed an outlet instead of just cutting myself again or something. I'm also on my period so all of my emotions and stuff are all over the place right now.
1 years ago 9 views 1 frames 1 LikeThis User's Other Animes
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