(vent) ((will delete soon))

Again my art speaks better than I can

I feel so used by so many people, I don't know who is friend or enemy at this point. Family, friends, random people and even myself.

I pretend at times I'm super ecstatic but I'm just masking since I don't really know what it feels like.

Some people flirt with me not knowing me at all, it is uncomfortable, I feel like they don't actually want me. I just want actual genuine love and not some random sidebar of flirtations. To hug and care for a special one. It must be nice.

My mood has failed to sit still for this entire month, I think I'm getting some sort of anger issues oflver time I don't know. But I've become real snappy.

I don't feel like myself. I don't like myself. Who even am I. The mirror cannot tell me.

Don't know why I have been spiraling a bit more recently.

I feel an anger inside me I want to stay away from people, afraid I might cry or lash out unexpectingly. But I don't want to isolate myself AGAIN, I did that throughout my teen years, too anxious for a social life. It was destroyed.

You may wonder, why else is my name "Outcazt" huh? because. I. Don't. Belong. Anywhere.

I have nothing but burning memories left in my head, I don't have irl friends anymore. I barely remember squat now and it makes me feel like I'm horrible.

What if I have been the villain in someone's story. Maybe I have been. I regret everything all the time. Every waking hour. The guilt weighs me down.

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