Vent (gonna delete later)

I don’t like being myself, I don’t like the bad memories, no one does.

But they haunt me, they torture my heart as he spreads to my mind and my soul. I feel hopeless, every single thing I go through, my confidence goes even lower than what it already is. I been through too much than what I was supposed too, and it still hurts. I want help, I want someone to know what I been through but yet it’s so hard to find them since they lost and probably already gone. While I still stand tall as I win but with no certain satisfaction watching them slowly fall into forgotten dust, as the wind blows and the day goes night. Traumatized and broken, as I wait for another problem to come by and try to take me down as if I never experienced it, but I have. It repeats. Like a hell’s torment to me, the pain won’t stop and if it does for a moment then it means it’s preparing to hit more harder than it should. All I could do is prey for a break, but I know it won’t be likely. So I gotta do is wish karma instead.

I don’t know where to belong at, I don’t know who I am now. I keep changing myself to try to find the right fit for me to be happy and calm but yet there’s always a catch for me, like a deal with the devil that I can’t take. Anxiety comes into your head, paranoia goes through your brain, and your depression growing more gloomy. As your once innocent soul turned into a broken man, with false thoughts everywhere and overwhelming false assumptions comes in. Flooding everything and the only way to get it out is crying as a mental breakdown. As people try to help you but only realize that they don’t really care since they won’t check up on you if you go silent through out the days, as your mental state reaches to its breaking point, you cry and cry to see no one come for you and no one to help you and the only way to get help is scream out your pain.

But who will listen if your words screams is nothing but thoughts in your mind.

Answer: no one.

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