i'm having problems, the kind you cannot solve

i tell myself i'm not mentally ill but when i return to look at my chatlogs and documented evidence i'm insane, and it bugs me because i know a part of me is completely deranged but i can't hate that because those are my thoughts and i don't know why or how. I mean, I don't usually make a public note of detailed evidence of my delusions and psychotic breaks but i'm clearly ill from the way i talk about myself. clearly savior complex, but if i was truly an angel sent down by god to save people, i wouldn't be labeled crazy, right?
sometimes people say things about me, and it makes me really think i'm an angel. but that's all thinking, i don't really think i am one, but maybe i am. people close to me say they enjoy my presence and seek it often, and that i help them, and that i'm pure and safe and protected, surely that means something. i don't know, sometimes i also think i'm an angel because that way i'm a good person

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