Just my luck ig…..
⚠️I’m venting….sorry
They say that in every trio, there’s a duo. Yet somehow in a group of 6, I’m still the one thats singled out, or at least feels that way
How? I don’t know. I know I’m quiet, but it’s either I’m quiet or I’m being too loud. When I try saying something no one’s hears or pays attention to it, or maybe they just don’t care. When we’re at lunch no one tries to actually involve me in the conversation, then I sit there confused about what’s happening, looking like an idiot. Unless I’m the one leading us somewhere I’m the one walking behind everyone. Everyone’s always coming to me about their problems, like I’m some sort of therapist, but that’s how it’s always been hasn’t it, even in elementary because I was always the one keeping the peace when someone was fighting. Yet I can’t get myself to talk about my problems, my feelings, I just keep letting them believe I’m perfectly fine, because nothings wrong, I’m fine. I don’t need to be the person that turns shit about themself, or the annoying bitch that doesn’t know when to quit or shut up. What about pictures? We could’ve spent a whole day together as a group,but when they post about it (and tag me) I’ll be in 1 out of 10 pictures, the rest are selfies of the others together. Or the cute about my friend thing they’ve been doing on insta, they put 3 different slides, 3 friends yet I’m not one of the ones they’re close to? Whatever….I just sound clingy or obsessive now, It doesn’t matter. But it kinda hurts….. why am I always the one that feels left out. But at the same time I can’t get myself to let go because I don’t have other close friends, yet I’m stuck between thinking I’m just the useless, expendable friend that no one actually cares or worries about until they’re feeling lonely and come to me again for something, and knowing that it’s not true, that they do care…..or rather, I think….. I think they care, they say they care at least….but sometimes I can’t help but feel the opposite….what if they’ve just been lying to make me feel better, or what if I’m just overthinking it…I don’t know anymore….I’ll probably just go back to watching Disney movies during lunch with my ear buds full blast to tune them out, till I feel better…whenever that’ll be
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Sorry, I know I don’t really vent (in any way shape/form). But I really needed to type it out and feel like I was actually talking to someone instead of keeping it in my head….
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