being a lot more open about my mental state (deleting soon)
(This post has sensitive topics lol viewer discretion)
Well,
Growing up has been a hell hole for me
To sum it up, I've never felt like I was really worth anything
I don't think I got enough physical and verbal affection as a child to be honest, apparently I got emotionally neglected
There had always been this sort of empty feeling inside of me
Like there was a massive gap between me and my parents' love
Due to this I spent most of my childhood on the internet and older people hoping they would provide me the attention I wanted
I literally started playing roblox at 4 years old because I saw you can make friends.
I had no friends at school, since I was new at the time and since everyone was scared of me literally nobody tried willingly talking to me
That worsened my state
Seeing other people have fun with their friends and them shutting me out of groups, games, etc made me start feeling a sort of hatred for people and I started seeing everyone as this worthless inconvenience only here to hunt me down and that I should fight back
I don't think no normal 6 year old should think like that
(-This part is unbelievably edgy, sorry-) v
Fast forward to 5 years later, I despised people. I was 11 and wanted to kill everyone and run away from civilisation.
Whenever I didn't think of killing other people, I thought of killing myself
Actually, I had been feeling sewerslidal since I was 8 years old
Whenever I spoke to online friends about it most of them recommended me therapy but I was afraid that would make my mentality worse
I did try fixing myself, but I already made a massive scar on my impression to other people
I TRIED to be better, but I kept getting shut off
I even started to get bullied
Around this time I thought to give society a chance, but the way people treated me not only made my hatred for them grow, but also grew the hatred for myself
There was no love in me anymore at this point, I hated everything
I hated myself, I hated my school, I hated the people around me, I hated being alive
I refused to believe something was up with me and had a very concerning mindset that 'we're all gonna die anyways, so maybe I should just become a serial killer'
Yes, I was genuinely convinced I'd kill people when I grew up. Yes, in 2023. Not too long ago.
If I had the app then, you'd all probably think of me much worse and that's the unfortunate truth
I noticed I am a very easily dislikable person
I'm trying to change, but there is nobody by me to support me
People irl are assholes. If I must be completely honest, I still feel hatred for most people
But it's not because they won't be my friend. I see through them.
I don't rely on Google to diagnose me with stuff, but looking through stuff I overtime have shown signs of depression, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder
(Gotta catch em all ahh me, but I'm being serious when I say this)
That time I was 11 I thought I was just being haunted when I heard screams, distorted groans, banging/knocking on doors, whispering
I would see heads, eyes, things that looked like the fucking rake, etc
When I turned corners I occasionally saw someone running at me
Sometimes I can see someone behind me, or my door opening wide but I blink and it gets completely closed again
And no this isn't like a one off thing it's been happening for 2-3 years
Edgy part over guys, you're welcome
I hide my negative thoughts online quite a lot. I bottle it up because I atleast want to seem like a fun and happy person online if I can't be in real life.
That's why I made like literally only one post like this
I think I should delete this in like a day too. This is way too negative
Now you guys see why I don't open up that much? I'm a literal monster.
Also uh I appreciate it if you guys be really careful about what you say on this cause whenever I reveal stuff about myself like this it makes me feel really anxious but I finally feel comfortable enough to share this anyways
GUYS ITS MY VILLAIN BACKSTORY?!?!?!?🤑🤑🔥‼️🙏🙏🐎
9 months ago 23 浏览量 1 框架 2 喜欢
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