smh
April (before the..: ✅️ total counts: 6)
April(after the..)
total harmed : 16 / total clean: 8 (means in all total 14)
May
total harmed: 12 / total clean: 19
June
total harmed: 7/ total clean: 25
July
total harmed: 1/ total clean: 30
August
total harmed: 0/ total clean: 31
September
total harmed: 0/ total clean: 30
October
total harmed: 0/ total clean: 31
November
total harmed: 5/ total clean: 25
December
total harmed: 0/ total clean: 12
hi. -Feb2025
hi, again. -March2025
I'll rarely be in this acc ^^. I'll be here when I feel..like..idk how to express it.
If you found out about this post then I'm so sorry for wasting your time reading this.
- this is officially like a venting diary.
-Someone: Feb 2nd: Oh how I love watching you all. Thinking I'm asleep. Busy or something. But I'm just someone with a pointless life. Someone who doesn't care about themself. Will sleep whenever they'll feel like to.
So staying up watching you all is not bothering me. It's a way to distract myself.
Cuz i can't. I can't hold it anymore
Feb 4th: I'm watching you all I'm watching you all I'm watching you all/ feb 4th morning: wish I could help him. / feb 4th night: seriously.? Why I keep making more mistakes?
Feb 10th: I hate going to school, rather being sick than going there
Feb 10th night: tomorrow..it's time to let it out again
Feb 19th: corie's comment: "IF YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR THEN DISAPPEAR"
I wish I could find a way
Feb19th afternoon: well done candley, you found the acc.
Feb 19th night: oh no. I'm feeling that feeling again. Tbh deserved
Feb 19th late night: why crying is awkward, I want to but that's cringe
I wish I could find a way to get rid off this feeling, or at least, I hope it's gone by tomorrow so I can be active. Or just disappearing again.
Feb 20th: oh well I couldn't really handle that feeling in school but ig it's gone by now.
Feb21st: after going to laboratory to do some analysis, later I made my parents worried..it turned out I'm anemic, has vitamin D deficiency, same for red blood sells so I don't get really..enough oxygen transferred to my body.
But now it all makes sense now why some stuff irl happens.
Feb22nd midnight: why did I hurt his feelings.
-Somebody: Feb 22nd evening: DUMB WHY DID U COMMENT USING THIS ACC THAT'S NOT THE OTHER ONE
Feb 27th: im sorry. I really am. You're my dear friend, I would like to spend time with you but..
Don't you see we're just being dramatic over stupid things??? And also..I hurted your feelings and I don't want that to happen, by telling you some true stuff.
But seems like saying a bit of the truth just hurted you more.
I kept hurting and hurting by every word I tell you, sorry.
I'm also dramatic over stupid things, candley.
Feb28th: here ends february, will that also ends.?
March 3rd: did they actually read that post? I don't think so. All they saw was YAYs because I stayed home, not the indirect vent. But I yapped so..they're excused. I should learn, how to stfu.
March 5th: I haven't make my own wbs in a while.
https://r8.whiteboardfox.com/85810304-0413-7544
A voice be saying "but what if candley finds the wb?"
..silly, he won't
he won't read all this shi, so it's safe.
He won't even come to see this post
March 8th: stop bothering me. It's time to spectate.
March 9th: what. did raugh really scrolled all that to find this acc.
Oh no.
March10th: and glowy too? I should delete the account someday
-The mistake: March10th: Now, there's none, only me^^.
March10th: I hate to say this but I miss myself 2024. I was more serious about my studies and now?
Tbh I miss 2023 more, I was better.
And now I just complain.
March10: that new account which random said the artstyle is similar, yeah it's similar to mine and kind of randomese's. The account is not me, I have enough accounts.
March11: ngl, the game ppl are playing rn is better than the og one
March12: oh so sorry white, u care about me so much that u see me as ur best friend but I only see u as my friend..so unfair I'm sorry white.
March13: getting bullied/some making fun of me in school is a canon event no matter how many times I change school :/.
March14: today was a full lunar eclipse at 6:37 (started at 3:57), sadly I was asleep
When I woke up around 5, I think it was rainy? And covering with clouds so yeah :p
March18th: it's bothering me it's bothering me
April 1st: ..traumatizing. "we did the best to hide family problems" no. its just this one is.. sigh
April 2nd: such a "happy" family I see
April 7th: oh no.
pink..cyan told u that would lead to hurting her.
April 16th: I can't help it I can't
April 17th: OK I SHOULD START BEING CLEAN YEAHH IM COOL YEAH IM AMAZING
April 19th: best day ever, Ilysm, Him <3
April 21st: pink why.
-me: April 30th: 2 days!!!!! YES CYAN KEEP CONVINCING PINK TO STOP THAT
---
-some stuff were written here were deleted or moved to notes or diary app for some reasons.-
(June30th)
I regret i regret
I regret harming myself I really regret
It's fucking summer ofc it's so hard to hide it
Having to wear t-shirt, harming myself in the top of my arm just to make sure my shirt hides it
But how do I make sure it isn't really seen
My mom almost found out more than 2 times
Why the scars wouldn't go away, just go please
Why did i keep punishing myself in summer
Why couldn't I handle the urge till it gets cold
I hate ts I hate myself
It makes me wanna hurt myself more but I can't keep this happening I need to stop myself I fucking hate me I hate I regret I regret
why can't I hate myself without doing ts
(July 16th)
I guess I'm doing a great job.
I don't feel the urges everyday now! Got distractions which is good
This month, the only time I hurted myself was because of 7/7.
(July30th)
I'm glad. Only 1 time harmed myself this month? Such achievement :)
I mean I rlly should stop it, even if it's a way to cope with.. it's a sin after all.
(September 15th)
I forgot about this.
hey, more than 2 months clean ^^
but school started and i am getting made fun of already.. i'm scared.
i'm getting those.. feelings. but, it's a sin it's a sin it's. a. sin.
but I do really want to discipline myself for disappointing already.. and for being this way.
I will still try to stay clean. :)
(Oct 8th)
Yesterday was my half of half year clean!!
Get it?? Half of year is 6 months and half of 6 months is 3 months :D!
Today I'm 3 months and 1 day clean ^^
I'd really... like to thank BC.
He makes me feel so happy. He supports me and always here for me. Makes feel like I'm something. The most amazing best friend i could ever have. ♡♡
(October 23rd)
No, i did not forget. I check in almost daily.
...
"Not only did she delete the message but she hasn't shown any disliking towards the gc, actual multiple positive comments about it in April and August"
it's just.. I didn't want to be annoying with ranting
Or like accidentally be self-centered
Giving compliments to those gcs and like.. Saying good stuff about things that doesnt mean that I do really like it
Those gcs were really overwhelming to me.
But I didn't want to add more negativity to it
I remember how tiring trying to light up the mood while I myself wasn't in the mood aswell
it was even making me more sad knowing how helpless I was
Trying to make xdon apologize to blue
Making xdon not disliking him
Trying to comfort him but I know how secretive and how he doesn't want to bother anyone so he didn't answer me at those times
But really, he won't and never is and never will bother me just by asking for help, vent, chat, anything! I really still wish I could had helped him
Hm..when i think about it, the both of us has similarities
we barely reach for help
Scared to bother anybody by our problems that are shared and not shared on our vent posts
Really hoping things gets better for him, he doesnt deserve to live like that.
(November 7th)
4 months ^^
(November 8th)
...
ok
(November 10th)
2 days clean.
OH COME ON.
GLOWY.
THIS WAS MONTHS.
MONTHS AGO
HOW D YOU FIND IT
Ok... this old post can do it ig.
Farwell original vent post
-flower: .. :]
Thinking abt it..
Should i start overdose?
Maybe im going to hell anyway?
Maybe this could be kinda.. a cry for help indirectly?
Even tho.. I don't want any help.
Because I'm sure it'll be only a waste of money
One of my parents used to do therapy
Only wasted money
Not cured
So? Shall i?
I'm scared if ill do it actually tho.
sigh.
(Dec 13th)
im such a bad friend. the worst friend someone could have
do i even deserve having them
do I deserve having my best friend..?
I haven't spend time with him for a while and yet I still don't because im such a people pleaser who does anything for anyone!!!
i should prioritize blue over than everyone else.. he's my best friend and I'd love to have time with him.
Oh well why couldn't you?? You can as easy say no so you can get your time with him. Are you even a real friend?? "Oh I want to please everyone because I believe everyone deserves to have someone to enjoy with" HOW ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIENDDD
HOW ABOUT HIMMM
DO YOU GIVE HIM HIS TIME
"I'm trying my best!!" DO YOU?? DO YOUUU??? YOU GIVE YOUR TIME YOUR ENERGY FOR OTHERS AND NOT HIM?? YOU BARELY GET SOME TIME WITH HIM NOW OMG I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
i hate the way i act
i hate who ive become
i hate myself.
im not trying to victimize myself, ik im the bad one here
i should try even better, im not good enough for blue. im sorry.
im trying so hard to not harm myself rn, i really blame myself for.thisomgi mshi vrring may.be I should.distact myselg beforei do smth.bad
Ohh bur.you said blie.matters whtare you.protizing yourself now
Owwhh.you don't.w ant ro tire.him w u.in this situatioj what. A weak yousaif you would do.better and anythimhfor him.
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