you're just a warm body to hold

at night, when i'm feeling all alone.
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sometimes i think about how hard i fumbled. i mean, there wasn't a guarantee but i really did turn down an offer from my friend to hook me up with a girl. it had everything i could want and I still said no.
i tell myself it's because of celibacy, and partially it is. but really, i'm just afraid of relationships. at least i think i do.
i think the uncertainty of everything makes me nervous and sick, and sure aromantic people can get into relationships but I worry to much about keeping apperances.
even if it was a perfect relationship, a girl who was fem4fem!!!!!!! It's not much to anyone, but it meant a lot for me if a girl liked me even though i present fairly femininely, and my friend said she was fem4fem. that was perfect, it was so perfect and i still said no, and it haunts me sometimes about how much i fumbled.
i'd feel embarrassed to ask more about it to my friend, i don't want to seem desperate and it's been a few months since i turned down this offer, and plus dating in general is kinda weird to me.
i mean, relationships are lovely, sure, love writing about romance and depicting love itself. But getting into one? Nerve-wracking, considering the kind of guy i am.
Maybe. I don't know. If the opportunity comes up again, i'll take it

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