my chest hurts

ugghgghhhhhh whyd i do that now i feel idiotic
i really am only getting worse

i just want to be a normal kid. but i can barely do anything right.
i dont think i can sleep right now.
all i do is stir up drama, thats what i always do.
with my family too. everytime i ever speak up about anything im always shut down by my mother, and whenever i try helping i infact make arguments worse, tot the point where my mother wants to die.

why cant i just be like you guys? why cant i just be a nice person to talk to. i just want to be helpful. i want to be perfect . but all i am are flaws.
i cant even keep a friendship or a relationship.
i always have been codependent and always will be

i havent grown at all.
im trying so hard to hold back my tears as i say this
but
i cant hold them in anymore.
im sorry cleo.
im sorry that i treated you that way, manipulating you into a relationship you probably never wanted. I'm so sorry i cut your name into me. ivebeen trying to remove it with scar removers.im sorry that i had ever done intimacy with you, traumatizing you is the last thing i ever wanted.

im sorry via.
im sorry i broke promise to be your best friend for ever.
I'm sorry i ignored you so much. im so, so sorry i ever even avoided you. im sorry i shamed you, when you did nothing wrong. im sorry i made you feel like you weren't enough around me. im sorry i treated you like something to throw away.
im sorry jasper.
im sorry for being the way i was, im sorry that you had to watch me fall apart, im sorry i never paid real attention to you. im sorry we never talk anymore. even if you dont read this i still want to apologize.
im sorry versity.
im sorry for the same thing with cleo.
im sorry for what i had done when we were in a relationship, im sorry for everything you had to watch me do. im sorry for the fact that i treated you like shit and accused you of wrongful things. im sorry you have to stand up for your friends around me.
im sorry skid.
i know we gavent talked forever. but you still come across my mind.
you were a wonderful friend and im sorry i barely talked with you.
im sorry zozo. im sorry that i ignored your posts and i was never online. im sorry that I treated others like they were more important than you.
im sorry everyone.

i do t want to make this be like a rant. i dint want people thinking im being manipulative again.
im so, so sorry.

fuck the avoiding my past shit

this is it for me.

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  jasperr

Hi im so sorry im super late but its ok marc i forgive you i know what its like to struggle

5 months ago   Reply

 

⋆˚꩜｡𝐳𝐨𝐳𝐨⋆˚꩜｡

i wish i could react with a 💖🫂 like discord but yeah ty

7 months ago   Reply

  ⋆˚꩜｡𝐳𝐨𝐳𝐨⋆˚꩜｡

Marcus I don't mind if you don't check my posts or comment, you are still something to me I don't care if you ignore
But I still know you care and you can't check my posts or comment
I remember I used to hate you
But all that changed I love you/p and I don't mind if you don't check or chat with me, as long as you are really nice ,I never thought you were a bad person,indeed I thought you were really cool as you noticed long time ago I always tried to be your friend, it's ok <3

7 months ago   Reply (1)

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