Sometimes.(vent)
sometimes i forget what I am truly and I feel happy
But then I remember that I will never truly feel good enough in my own body that I will never truly be what I want that I'll possibly never be enough to please anyone
I feel disgusting
I feel like a vermin
Something that should be put down for just existing
I feel wrong
I feel like I just need to die
To get a another chance to be what I want to be
To finally feel worthy of life
Its scary
I feel afraid to truly be myself Sometimes because of this
I feel afraid to even be seen
To even live in this body
I just want to feel happy in my own body but I can't I really can't
It hurts
It hurts so much knowing that I can't truly be a man
But I can't do anything about it
Even with all the money in the world I'll never become what I always wanted to be
Yes the surgeries might help make me feel more comfortable in my own body but it still hurts by how much I have to do to feel even a little bit valid
To feel truly worthy of being me
But even with it all there will still be many criticisms against me pointing out all the parts of me that look to feminine
I just want to be happy
To feel whole
To feel worthy of love
Idk i just wanted to show what like goes through my head when I snap out of my little happy place that's filled with lies to help me cope with everything
Idk sometimes venting can feel good it helps me cope but sometimes makes things worse it depends
Damn now I feel all yucky inside
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