I don't know if it's just me or..

I honestly can't tell the difference between a toxic/abusive relationship with someone vs a healthy and loving one. I feel so confused and conflicted about it, especially when it comes down to my own parents, especially my mother.

I think it's because I feel biased about them, since after all, they are the people who birthed me and have raised me. But at the same time, it feels almost wrong. I do understand them as my parental figures, but not as my heroes. I love them, at least that's what I tell myself, and I care about them. But sometimes I feel like they don't feel the same way about me. Sometimes, I feel like they're just not really interested in what I say or do or even exist. I kinda just feel like if they had the chance to, they'd leave me out in the streets. But that's only sometimes. Other times, I feel like the best thing in the world. They truly do make me feel human at certain times. They occasionally praise me, especially my dad, when it comes to things like doing work, taking care of a situation, handling and managing my sisters, my drawings and my artworks, and my good academic grades/results. It makes me feel this tingle in my chest that makes me feel excited and kinda shy lol!!

Uhmmm yeahhh I was gonna say more but I think that's enough...for now at least??!! I was gonna talk about something for the .. ahem.. abusive side but I'll let that slide :3

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