God, it's christmas. /ref

I never liked talking about these sorts of things, since it's so personal towards me. But I'm 19, and I am not getting any younger. It's scary to think about the genetic pool in my family, how most of the men from my dad's side of the family dies fairly young. It's not a conversation anyone wants to hear, having your mom drive you home and she tells you she worries about the future.

And frankly enough, I'm worried too. I watched my grandpa being hauled out of my house years ago, and now I'm counting off the years on when it will happen to my own father too. It's almost pathetic, having to accept that one day my dad will die before I can really get him proper treatment, time wasn't on my side.

Sure, he could've tried to help himself, but my mom says me and my dad are alike. Both stubborn, refusing to admit to being weak, admitting that we need help. Maybe that's why my father sat me down, telling me not to worry when he dies. But I'm 19, what am I supposed to do? At best he'll live a good 20 more years, but at worst it might be soon. At least, that what my mom says. She says he's far worse than my grandpa, getting increasingly weaker by the moment.

God, I know I make so many selfish requests, but if you'll allow it once more. I plead, that I'll repent for all the sin my family has committed, if you'll let my mother not live the rest of her life alone. I've already planned my life around taking care of my parents, and you tell me that one day my father will leave my mother alone on this world?

I'll endure any other hardship you give me, just give my father just enough time

It's just hard to think about. I'm just like my dad, really. Stubborn.

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