I'm having art block so uhm I'm kinda gonna rant/vent about something llol

(Why am j so negative UGHHH 🥲🥲 I have so much to yap about. If I had a therapist, they would probably retire after listening to me lol😭)

Sooo basically today's topic is... DRUMROLL PLEASE 🥁🥁🥁...
MY MOTHER FORCE FEEDING ME FOOD ITEMS I HATE YAYYY SO FUN YAYAYBDSJUSJSJBD.
Jokes aside, I hate when she does this honestly. It made me develop a negative perspective/view/opinion when thinking about food, and tbh, I think thats why I'm not the biggest foodie fan you'd ever meet, but I still do appreciate and respect food.

When I was younger, I used to only eat foods that I considered my 'safe' foods, or foods that I was comfortable with and not make me sick. I liked my food plain, like no sauce or spices or seeds or other little bits and bobs. I didn't like the seeds in my watermelon, I didn't like the sauce on my pizza, I didn't eat anything that had an icky sorta texture to it that I found funny or weird. My mother called me 'picky' even though I do agree with her, I was indeed a very picky eater, however
I wasn't like those kids who hated vegetables and ate candy every single day. I was the complete opposite. I actually never really liked sweet things growing up, it was only a learned thing and I started eating a bit of sweets like chocolates, cakes etc. when I was a bit older (6 years and above) otherwise, I would always eat so many fruits and yoghurts and cheese and vegetables, they were my favorite things in the world. But after having 4 kids (including me), my mother was really busy taking care of my sisters and I, so she didn't really have time to make as many veggies and listen to every single demand I had about my food cause she had three other children besides myself to look after and a working husband on top of that, so she just made whatever was easiest for her, even if I didn't like it. And I know, I can't always have what I want, and I understood that, even at a young age. But here's where this story takes a bit of a... disturbing twist.

My mother was fed up one day of my complaining, she had made pasta with ketchup on it, and she knew I hated ketchup, but I think she was in a bad mood that day cause she got angry at me and force fed me the ketchup pasta. I still remember how much I hated it, how much I cried and begged her to stop before I vomit.

She's done the same thing to me many other times with other food items like burgers, chocolate and chocolate flavored items like cake/ice cream/donuts/etc, sodas/fizzy drinks, mango (milkshake), etc. etc.
And guess what?
I haven't ever touched or eaten any of the food items mentioned above since.
lol, and now she's wondering why I don't like these things that literally every 'normal' person enjoys.

And, that's basically about it I guess!
Traumatic food experience? Yes.
Have I healed from it? Not quite.
Eating kind of feels like a punishment to me now lol.

PS: I'm not a picky eater anymore lol, I eat foods so spicy, and I can eat foods that have weird textures, and I also love sauces and spices, but I'm still not a big fan of sweets or watermelon seeds lol!

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