💭 idk what you want from me, it's disgusting

me when i lie and pretend my dreams are better than they actually were and i don't know why I think these things and it's sometimes distressing.

like, oh yeah Luka is such a great person, he offers to help me with homework, he helps me write essays, he's a good person to work with, and then said luka has horrible thoughts about everything but if he ever says what he thinks about people will make it seem like he needs to be in the mental hospital.

I'm not a danger to myself, I don't act on these thoughts, but it would be a lie to say I don't think about it.

When the intrusitve thoughts are not "dying my hair randomly" or "randomly eating chapstick" but violent thoughts of 😁 and 😜 and 😂. Like woooaw... i really... need to kill myself because of the things i think about Wow, I can't believe i'm a functional member of society when half of my thoughts are so 😁😁😁😁

i expressed what i actually think about in my priv and sometimes it feels okay seeing it but then i close my eyes and need to throw up Wow i can't believe i dreamed that even thougu i never experienced it irl

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