Should I be concerned?

I'm just going to be brutal honest,
This is the most time I've ever thought of dying. Usually I only think about temporarily and then it goes away within a few hours, or one day, or sometimes if it's really bad up to a week or two (which is mostly unlikely). But I've been having these thoughts for a month and a half now, maybe more, and it's constant. I'm growing extremely tired now. It's getting too much. I always try to ignore it, but it's affecting me really bad. Both mentally and physically. I accidentally almost acted on those thoughts a few times already. I feel like I'm at one of my lowest point of my life (so far). I feel like I don't have anywhere to go, anyone to talk to. Which I know is untrue, but I don't have the courage and energy to talk to someone about it, let alone even getting help.

Something related, but kinda unrelated as well but... 👇 👇
I can't sleep properly, and even if I do, I always feel tired even after sleeping for 10 hours. I usually only sleep one time a day, but now I'm taking several naps a day, which I usually never do.

I can't communicate with others properly, I don't really speak much if I'm being honest. Others complain how I'm always "distracted" or I'm "distant minded" or "too quiet" or "low energy", and I can't just speak properly without accidentally hiccuping my sentence. Or I may accidentally say something that's in my head but not something I actually meant to say and then people get worried so then I just have to either tell them it's a joke, or tell them it was nothing and I'm fine, or say I meant to say something else but accidentally said the wrong thing with the wrong meaning.

I also find it really difficult to eat. It's difficult to explain but I sort of think I don't deserve to eat, or scared that if I eat too much I might vomit, but at the same time I'm too scared of undereating and getting extremely weak. Im not a big foodie, and I haven't been for the past 2/3 years. I always get sick from thinking of food, seeing food and eating food. I can't control it. I also get very full from even eating just a single slice of bread. I remember I used to eat so much when I was younger, but now I can barely finish a single meal in one sitting. I practically only eat one meal per day, and I know others probably have it worse, but I can't really control my stomach, can I? I especially get sick from milky foods, dry foods, weird textured foods (except for fruits, nuts, or vegetables, and a small list of other things), and a whole lot of other things. I don't like eating at all. I don't know why, but everytime I get asked if I want to eat, I feel like crying. And my mother and everyone else is making it all worse. They give me lists of food items, show me so many food, and I get so overwhelmed and I just want to vomit. They think they're just helping me, but they're making it worse. I don't know how to tell them all. And then my mother also guilt trips me into eating, telling me how ''everyone's so worried" or "be grateful that you have food unlike some unlucky people out there who are starving and have no good food to eat" etc. etc.

I'm sorry.
I wish I could stop being so weak and sensitive
There's so much more I could say, but it would probably too much words for one post

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