so freaked oututu I wanna faking Scream

so srs about dying btw I'm actually so close to considering doing very Harmful things to myself just because I'm so close to breaking I fucking hate everyone and everything telling me "it'll get better" because it fucking hasn't, I can drown myself in pills and medication and nothing is working, I wake up fighting for my life trying to breathe because I keep choking And I have never felt so lost in my life before. I'm in actual defeat, there's nothing I can do about it besides take medication and hope I can keep breathing, I took pictures of what I keep vomiting to document everything, in case somethinf serious happens. They say it's post nasal drip, allergies. But it's been two weeks, and I have been violently vomiting since last week. I keep gasping for air and it feels like I'm losing. I tried screaming once, and all I could muster is a gurgle. My air pipes are so fucked, yesterday I threw up what I think is old blood. Nothing I eat stays down, so I haven't really been eating either. Hey, if it gets worse at least I know who I want to give my possessions to. Haha, hahahahaha. I'm so fucking pissed, my mom tells me I should've just sucked up my fear and gotten an allergy shot, but it doesn't seem like allergies anymore. I'm more pissed that nothing else is getting worse, I feel fucking crazy and that no one believes me but my own mother witnessed me falling to the floor choking and throwing up and all it seemed to do was vindicated the fact i "should've listened to her about getting an allergy shot." Well, I don't know. I didn't know allergies meant vomiting blood. Whatever, I can breathe now but I know for sure in a couple of hours I'll vomit again and choke and all I hope is that it either kills me first or it'll be over soon. Preferably the former

Translate