i might just end my life (I am Ok now)

i say this all the time but
i no longer see a point in being alive if i do nothing but be a disappointment to everyone
im just a burden i always have been
i want to calm down but these recent events just make me lose all hope in myself
i want to wish its all gonna be okay but ive been doing that for so long and i havent found my peace yet
im overreacting so much about multiple small things but when they build up and keep building up it can do crap to a kid
im a terrible person i always have been and every day i just keep proving that
i look for hope everyday but i know ill die at a young age so why dont i do the job already
i was doomed since birth
i cant keep up these fucking acts anymore i cant keep acting like i can just discard this all and pretend im nice
im terrible i really am. im a terrible fucking person
i might look kind on the outside but inside im the most spiteful evil fucking bitch and thats the sad truth i cant handle no more
im always jealous i always want more success than people its gotten so bad i get ENVY and SPITE over people who might just get followers quicker than me this drives me all away from people i dont know why im so hate filled im trying so hard to fix myself but ive tried ive tried and every attempt ive made failed. i always end up back to the jealous manipulative fucking twat i am over some small thing. its like i have the highest ego possible and lowest ego possible at once and its so so unbalanced

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