𓆩Outcazt𓆪

I just don't understand (EXTREMELY HEAVY VENT) (i hate venting here but it's all i have now)

Why do they wait for me to slip up?

Mother and Father are some real generous titles there.

Not to mention I finally cut loose from that one old friend the one who has kinda harrassed me, I'm aware I left that part out but I finally got fully away.

I don't even get recovery time I'm still worried about yesterday. It hasn't left my mind.

I'm an adult yes but the mind locked as a kid or a teen since my growth and intelligence was stunted by strictness and helicopter mode.

I want to freely be me but that'd be wrong in my family's eyes.

I want to live but too stressed out on the daily.

I miss the times before I ever had these problems and I remember where those all originated from.

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.
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Long ago much before I could talk let alone walk, teensy me was in a shopping cart, a crazy lady stole my mother's purse

Mind you I was next to the purse so ever since they've kept me closer, they were just scared if the lady didn't go for the purse that day-

Some yearsssss later, my sibling arrives, they get more attention yes obviously, However this lead to me getting oddly hurt more often-

After that I was shut up and made into an ipad kid for a good while, also a bad thing, i witnessed explicit content when i was too young-

Again really not good, my small informed mind lead me into getting gr00med and dangerously preyed apon. not ONCE but multiple times-

Started when i was 8 and other ages people "messed" with me, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and hell even 14 but finally they realize-

I've been restricted harder than I was before, even in SCHOOL they kept a close eye over me, which i was uncomfortable with-

This made me too fearful to talk to anyone or make real connections-

And when i did..?

THE VIRUS HAPPENED, it striped me from all i had. Friends and all-

From then on i lost my social skills that already didn't exist and i finally wormed my way into AM because I really had nowhere else left to go-

But AM wasn't the only place to go ... roblox was my second since i played on the daily, i talked blindly with many sure but ONE stuck out-

Some guy alright, we met roughly around 2022? I think, i fell head over heels because i don't understand affection. I REALLY DON'T. i don't know what love is and yearn for a partner to this day

I rolled with it and..... so did he.. which lead to uncomfortable rps, detail and all- i felt loved for these few years even if it was fake. I didnt know.

But last week or so i broke the 4-5(?) Years of being with him-

Which i was left with nobody, hence my activity spiking over here in AM-

until strict parents are hovering over me again-

They tell me to get a driver's license, a job, A LIFE-

yet, their obnoxiously suffocating and WONT let me go despite hurting me in several ways-

Now you ALL see my problems even if I tried to keep it from stretching the 1000 word barrier

See why my mood flips and spins so quickly, i could be down right joyus and the next a misery puddle.

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