I'd like to share my story about my recent relationship
I hadn't realize how toxic he was, and how much he sexualized me over nothing. I'm going to start from the beginning. Oh boy.
So in eighth grade, I was with him in social studies, then we got paired for a group project and we extanged numbers for it, and slowly I began to like him. We were good friends and we hung out together with my other friend and well, he made fun of my stuttering. I have trouble with my word and say "um" every other word. I didn't mind people making joke about it, but he would constantly interrupt me and say "UM UM UM" Of course I brushed it off, because I was oblivious. Although, I didn't know about this until now, but he would text my friend and harras her about "wanting to sleep with one of his friends" That was truly disgusting. I didn't know about it. In October, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I wa overjoyed and said yes. That's when things went downhill. He refused physical touch, and that wasn't bad. I was okay with that because people have boundaries, but he would side hug other girls, which mad me feel kind of mad but "oh well" things were fine for about 2 months, although he asked me for my boundaries, and so I said them. I didn't like dirty joke about me. He immediately complained. He said I wa restraining him, and he wouldn't even talk to me half of the time, saying "Ugh I can't tell you because you have boundaries." yuck. I did see that as a red flag, but then, he began pushing them. He would sexualize me I've everything. I could wear a skirt, and it would be down to my knees, because that was what I was allowed to wear, and he would say something like "your lucky I have self control" when I would even wear a long skirt or a shirt that showed my shoulders. I know. It's bad. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to dump him right then. On roblox, he would talk about having 👉👌 with me. Crossing my boundaries too far. I reluctantly removed the boundaries, because that was the most he had talked to me in months. I would create outfits, childish outfits on roblox to resemble a childlike appearance an he would say "smash" and sh like that. There mor info on my other post about him about the roblox situations. After winte break, I realized it ha begun to get too far, and I just wasn't myself anymore. He refused to call me by my prefered name, and it hurt me so much because that's when I knew he just didn't care about my needs. So I broke up with him. I felt bad for like 2 hours, then I was fine. I was eating chips and drinking monsters with my two closest friends and that was the best I had felt in such a long time. I didn't even try to make th breakup messy. I said I just wanted some time on my own and that I would like to be friends. He made it messy. A month afterwards, he randomly texted me, saying in simple terms "tell me if you find another partner so I can cope with the breakup" he said it in a weird old english way, and I said no because that's weird. A few weeks late he texted me in Russian and Japanese (Russian) "I was just a tool...?" (Japanese) "I don't know if I can handle the truth with the current pain" And of course this p1ssed me of so much. I replied back to him saying "Y'know what? I'm not gonna deal with this at 11 pm. I do not want to sound rude about this, but you need to get over yourself. Pitying yourself and trying to sound like some depressed poet will not make you feel any better about yourself. Blocking you sounds like a real good idea right now." and he just said "what did I do?" and I said he sounds super cringe and reading his messages made me cringe so hard. Also another thing I forgot to Mention, Is that he wanted to se me to the daten route trend in front of him. I don't want to share the details of the video on here, so just search it on YouTube.
I really hope somebody who's struggling in a similar relationship can find this. I know it hard to get out of a toxic relationship. But know, it will make you feel so good to get out of it. It will feel hard at first .its going to hurt, but on the 2-3rd day, you will feel the best you have had in awhile. Although it differs for different people, it can take awhile to feel better. I've been focusing on loving myself more. I know I said I hate my body before, but now, I feel like its a blessing. I've become more healthy and better mentally. Everyone, your more than your body. Don't let somebody control your boundaries and if they try, they arent the right one.
I love y'all
- Mara
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