vent

i hate him so much
i cant stop thinking about what he did to me
why cant i recover from it
why cant i stop crying over it
why cant i stop feeling like its my fault

im so tired of looking for ways to cope
i dont want to keep having suicidal thoughts
i cant even complain about it without being told to stop
that i should just forgive him
that its all in the past
that i should just suck it up
that this " drama " is over

im sorry i cant forgive him
i really want to , but hes ruined my mental health and view on men so much that i cant even feel any sympathy for him at this point
hes misgendered me and said that i was female on multiple occasions , even after i corrected him multiple times
he harrased me and my mutuals when we made call out posts and sometimes even when we werent talking about him at all
he made me develop a fear of cis men and interacting w/ older users

i just want to be able to stay here and talk to my friends without worrying about him
i hate it
i hate all of this
i just want to be happy

edit ;; hi guys !! please dont worry abt me too much ehehe , , i made this during a mental breakdown but i feel a lot better now . anywayz , ill be taking a 1-2 week break to recover !! thank you guys for the suggestions and kind words , , ill try to add you guys next month since ill be able to get insta when i turn 12 :] cya !!! <3