Definitely sounds like depression to me. I get that, for months I couldn’t cry at anything and now I cry at just seeing someone else cry.
S thoughts are really hard and I’m so sorry you had to deal with them.
Absolute condolences for your friend and family member, I haven’t lost anyone close to me in the years that I could understand what was going on, but I empathize that the emptiness is overwhelming . I think your friend would be glad that you chose otherwise. Hopefully you will be able to recover from this shitty disorder with the help of friends and your family. Much love and good luck dude
Don’t ever feel sorry for opening up bro, we care about you a shit ton!!