Something I go by is "fake is till you make it"
It is dumb because you are lying to yourself but at some point, you will believe it if you take the effort to be better. If you hate your life so much now, then work. Work to get to a good college, do something you love in the future. Buy a nice house and a good car- Those little dreams will help you up too.
I may be seen as a sensitive baby for writing so much, but I care, even care for people I haven't met. So, I can't decide what you will do but I can give you advice.