Dude, it's completely comprehensible you wanna know what's going on within your mind, overall if people who's surrounding don't give a shit about it
If you want my opinion, I don't think it's PTSD, even if probably close, but for sure an important self-esteem and emotional damage that, as you said, it has caused you a trauma
What do I mean with this? You don't have to suffer all of this alone, so don't worry because, at least by my side, I'm here for you to help you release all that you've got stored and support you through these hard times you're having to get over with