i read the novel a qhile ago
hated it
never read orv
i hope kdj dies

i lobe you hsy the woman of my dreams

HAN SOOYOUNG THE ONLY CHARACTER I CAN TRUST NOW

I HATE ORV.

......... i forgot mpreg was canon in orv i should tell him that

also my friend associates me as his orv friend hehehehehehehe im the orv person

kim dokja looks so. Ugh. Im straight but i want him

but not in a romantic way

cna't a girl just keep me as her art gremlin or something and it's a beneficial symbiotic relationship

i mean. i would also just prefer for a beautiful woman to be next to me and coddle me and tell me everything's fine but beggars can't be choosers

god let everything in my life be done and stress free and that TOT is finished and my friends dont worry about me thag much so i can die

sigh. daily reminder that despite my active suicidal idealization i won't kill myself beucause i'm a pussy and i fear things i dont know

"you're not a horrible person nooooo" my friends have to make multiple interventions for me about my behavior because often I've become deluded and tried to harm people/myself

Also in before any kid's who never met me before or the mental health advocates come in to go "but nooo you're not a horrible monster 🥺🥺🥺 you changed/you're kind to me/etc etc etc bullshit" nobody except a handful of people have seen the whole scope of my mental illness, I have been on recovery however trying to reform me is putting my actions down. I do not wish to be babied

Ugh. I just hate people who glorify the "pretty" parts of mental illness. Almost all of my obsession(s) has been either one sided, emotionally abusive, unhealthy, or a mix of sorts. Everytime I crashed I have felt horrible emotions that drove me to several attempts on my life (which is still on going, doctor said I'm high-risk, the only thing really stopping me is the "good things in my life currently") I just don't get it. There's nothing stopling people from showing how horrible mental illness really is, and yet so many people glorify it like it's a good thing. It's a mental illness.

It's all fun in games with obsession, and yet I spend hours of my day just to stalk people. They don't know I'm stalking them, but every single day I have kept it up for two years. It's all fun in games with obsession, until it's the "scary" parts of mental illness. People claim to be this and that, and glorifying parts of mental illness while putting the shit they find horrific down. Those horrifying things are parts of many people's lives that they go through, they are the parts of my life I deal with every day

No one normal wants to love someone like I do, nor do they want to experience my daily life. My obsession genuinely affects more of my life than I'd like to admit, and despite my sanity now, I have become dangerously delusional on my "bad days." I do not get it, people romanticize the "hot" parts of my life. They don't want to express the volatile feelins I have when I can't get things in my way, they don't want to feel how much I seethe over people who claim to like the things I like, and especially they demonize my actions despite the fact they romanticize obession.

Many of my friends told me I never seem like the type, nobody does, because who the fuck would show the bad parts of themselves when they want something to toy around in their lives? These people are deluded and I hate that people want something like me, or act like they want to be like me

"It's fiction, you can tell apart a real abuser and a fictional one" but I had friendships, and I was an abuser and they could not tell that I was one because *that's how abuse works.* Even unintentionally, many of my former relationships were emotionally abusive. You can not go "ooooh but it's different because it's fiction!" Fiction doesn't erase anything, if anything it drives people to want someone like me in their lives. You all say that in a realistic world if you met someone "obsessive" like me, you'd call the police. But you wouldn't, because you'd never know

i've been always all for representing toxic relationships and representing mental illness accurately but it fucking gets under my skin with relationships like it is idolized or mischaracterized and seen as a good thing. it's all delusions and the fuckers who go "pro-fiction" can not understand at all the real affects someone like me has one vunerable people